“I don’t understand why you left, baby what didn’t I do? Wasn’t I always there for you? Wasn’t I good to you? How was I to know something was wrong, baby I can’t read minds. All you had to do was tell me but you kept it all inside!”
Yes. Those thoughts in 112’s song, Missing You, are exactly what many men end up thinking when suddenly his woman drops the bomb on him that she isn’t happy anymore. She has been walking around suffering in silence, while he thinks everything is cool. So who is wrong in this scenario? Let’s talk about it!
I cannot tell you the number of times female clients come to me upset about their men. I mean by the time she finishes talking, sometimes I have to ask “Ummmm, explain to me why you are with him again?” But then I bring it back and ask one simple question,”have you communicated these things to him?” Too often I get that infamous answer “NO…he should just know!” HENCE, there comes a major problem. She wants him to have psychic power, and she’s not just mad but angry that he isn’t reading her mind. She’s walking around pouting and being passive aggressive and getting more upset daily.
Okay, for all of you women who really do believe, “he should just know,” I will give you this. As men, we have to do a better job of being more in tune and in touch with our women. We have to learn how to better anticipate needs and take initiative, as well just manage through some of the seasons and emotions you experience. The truth of the matter is that as seasons change, sometimes needs change. We as men have to be aware and willing to accommodate those changes.
Men are portrayed as selfish beings, when many times it’s more ignorance than selfishness.
While I understand some of the improvements men must make, ladies you still must open your mouths and say what it is that you want or don’t want, need or don’t need. So many marriages are falling apart because we would rather talk to everyone about our problems than our mate. Men are not mind readers and you should stop expecting us to be that. If we have been doing something the same way for years and you have never said it was wrong, but your needs have shifted now, then do us a favor and SAY IT! Men are portrayed as selfish beings, when many times it’s more ignorance than selfishness. Believe it or not, as men we want to please our women but sometimes we aren’t as intuitive as y’all are. “Well, I shouldn’t have to tell you what to do all of the time,” No, you shouldn’t but even a coach gives his players a game plan to work with!
You see the part in all of this that gets left out is while women are getting upset with us for not shifting our behavior when their needs change, suddenly some new man or person comes along and it seems like they have you all figured out. Well, see that dude didn’t know the YOU from 5 years ago, when you were quite different. So now this new dude looks like a prince and your current man looks like a slack jawed loser, how fair is THAT? Nah…let me stop and leave that for another blog.
The moral of the story is that if we want our relationships to last long term, we have to check in with each other EARLY and OFTEN. A simple question could be “are you getting everything from me that you need?” Just ask, then listen, and then accommodate. Ladies stop suffering in silence and telling everyone your problems but your man and men start paying attention before it’s too late! Get to talking!
BMWK Fam what are some other disconnects that happen because of lack of communication?