By Eric Payne
Picking up where we left off from Part One of this two part series, here are my last few tips for fathers — alphabet style!
Nobody’s perfect. This includes us Dads. Don’t waste time beating yourself up when you make a mistake. Own up to them, learn from them and proceed with life.
Opportunities — creating them in the face of any and all things that might rise up against you, including your own fears is what separates the boys from the men and the men from the leaders. A father is a leader by example. Jackie Robinson was deathly afraid of water but he walked out onto a frozen lake to test the ice so his children and their friends could go ice skating.
Patience sometimes is the best medicine when at wits end with a child. Take a step back to look and realize the words and actions that have you mystified aren’t coming from a mature mind, but that of a child’s — yours.
Question and talk to your kids about everything. From their hopes and dreams to who their friends are, to how their day went and even the uncomfortable stuff — the puppy love and the teenage romances. No matter who much they might balk at it now, they’ll appreciate it eventually and will likely do the same when they are parents.
Read to and with your kids when they are young. Do it every chance you get. Reading is the best workout you can give an imagination and it is a key building block upon which an education is built.
Share with your children all the good in you and show them all the good in them.
Teach your kids about success and failure, using theirs and yours as hands-on lessons.
Undermining your wife (or vice versa) in front of your kids when disagreements occur will do them more harm than the good you think you’re getting by winning a battle.
Visit your kids on their turf: in their rooms and designated play areas and sometimes become a kid again. Pick up the extra controller or ask for a turn to play a video game you can barely follow. Don’t be too old and stiff to have a tea party with your daughter. Indulge your child’s desire to include you in their lives in their own special ways.
Worrying about your kids’ futures is about as productive as preparing for the sky to fall. Spend your energy preparing them in the present by equipping them with knowledge and principles so that their futures are ensured one day at a time.
Extol your children for their virtues and their accomplishments no matter how large or small. But be careful not to go overboard so they are lulled into believing they can do no wrong or are that they alone are God’s gift to society.
Yelling at your kids truly works during those few critical moments in life when information is only understood when given at high decibels. Otherwise look to raise your voice only when they are either too far away or too preoccupied to hear. Make a practice out of it and your kids will learn to tune you out, sooner rather than later.
Zero in on your kids naturally expressed talents. Encourage them in these areas and provide them with the discipline (classes, extra curricular activities, team sports, camps, etc.) that will help them to nurture their talents into skills that will serve them in their lives.
If there were more letters in the alphabet, there would be much more to write here. There is no right set of “rules” to go along with each letter of the alphabet. If this is all new to you, please don’t consider this as gospel, but instead a starting point. A cheat sheet you can refer to in your walk as Dad. If this is old news to you, what does your alphabet look like? What would you do differently and/or what would you add to this list?
Being Dad is a privilege and an honor. It’s not easy by any stretch of the imagination. But if done day by day with patience, love and understanding of self, family and God, not in this particular order, the effort pales in comparison to the rewards.
Author of the now infamous, My Wife Is NOT My Friend (on Facebook), you can follow Eric on Twitter, or find him on his Facebook Page, the companion to MakesMeWannaHoller.com, his blog on fatherhood and marriage. Check out his restaurant reviews and NYC tourism articles at NYMetropolista.com. He’s also a contributing writer for Atlanta-based J’Adore Magazine.