“I would HATE to still be dating in 2016!” That was the comment I made on a radio interview the other day, and in that moment, I meant it.
I mean think about it, society is devaluing commitment. And social media and online dating have changed the game. You have things like situationships, textationships and everything else but RELATIONSHIPS.
So many things have changed in dating, but the more I think about it, the fundamentals have not. Truth is that it’s not that dating has changed so much or that dating is harder, it’s really that our perception of dating has changed and we now overthink things. It’s time to get back to the basics and here are a few to remember!
1. There is no substitute for personal communication
You can swipe and click and text and “like” all you want to, but if you don’t talk face to face and meet in person, you won’t truly get to know someone.
Consistency in communication allows you to get beyond the surface and into the soul. People can be whoever they want to be over text and the internet, so get up close and personal!
2. You have to be available in order to be approached
I hear people say all the time that they can’t meet anyone, but for some reason, those are usually the same people who don’t make themselves available. They don’t go anywhere, they aren’t open to things like online dating, they don’t tell people they are looking and they are stuck in their routines. There are so many social things to do, so find them and put yourself in a position to meet some new folks! You must be in the game to win it!
3. Actions speak louder than words
People are what they consistently DO, not just what they say. Stop hearing what you want to hear and start believing what you see in action!
4. Shared values are the foundation
If you don’t share the same values, you won’t be able to build a healthy relationship with someone. By the time most people reach adulthood, they are firmly rooted in what they do and don’t believe, so don’t try to convince people to share your values, instead just find someone who is on a like-minded path.
5. Be honest and genuine
Be honest not just a potential mate but also with yourself about what you want out of the relationship. The only people who get scared away by that are the people who don’t have the same intentions as you do, and it’s better to find that out sooner rather than later.
6. Confidence is sexy
Dating starts with you and with how you feel about you. The higher your self-esteem, self-worth and expectations for potential mates, the higher the quality of people you will attract. Not to mention, confidence makes others feel more secure around you as well.
7. Everyone you meet won’t be your soulmate
Dating should be fun, and it should be about meeting new people until you find one that you can build something with. With that being said, it won’t work with everyone, and it’s not supposed to. So instead of getting frustrated, just have fun and never forget the purpose in your party stage.
8. Clarity and consistency will be key
Stop playing the early dating games of “Don’t call him back right away or he’ll think you’re too eager” or “Don’t let her know how much you really enjoyed your last date, or she’ll lose interest.”
You are more believable when you are consistent, so instead of worrying about how it looks, understand that consistency “looks” sexy to someone who is really into you!
9. Patience is a virtue
If you move too fast, you may get caught up in the representative and not the real person. Slow down, and understand that sex confuses things, so keep it out of the equation unless you’re truly ready to deal with the after effects.
10. When it’s right, it’s easy!
Not much else to say on this one folks. Don’t get me wrong, relationships definitely take work, but when it’s right, it shouldn’t be hard. Any relationship (or potential) relationship that leaves you consistently banging your head against a wall trying to make it work, probably isn’t the right one for you.
I fully understand that dating has its frustrations and as time passes lots of things change but the human element has not. We all still desire companionship, and we all want to matter to someone else. And keeping these 10 basics in mind while navigating the dating waters, will make the course a little more calm and less choppy!
BMWK, what do you think is today’s biggest challenge to dating?