By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
During this past Sunday’s sermon, my Pastor shared a story regarding a conversation had with a single woman about marriage. After being asked about being married this single woman admitted she was not ready to become a wife, revealing her dire need for a makeover. Not a physical makeover, but a life makeover. In hearing this story, I was most impressed by her honesty. Although her desires may be to get married, she knows she is not necessarily ready to completely contribute to a healthy marriage.
When my husband asked me to marry him, I have to admit, my first thoughts were not focused on the type of wife I would be. The wedding gown, guests and reception all consumed my thoughts. It may have stemmed from my being younger, but I don’t think I would have considered what I would bring to a marriage. And I wonder how many of us really do. I know I felt back then, that the dating relationship was going well enough, so a marriage would be the same, right? Did I really have to do or be anything different than I was when I was just a girlfriend? Knowing what I know now, the answer is very much yes.
Of course the best foundation for any marriage is to be prepared. I have been married almost 13 years, and while our marriage is now at a great place, it could have really benefited in the beginning from a little preparation. Something I would have done a little differently, before the marriage, would have been to have conversations with those in healthy marriages. Hearing from a committed wife on what it takes to run a household, raise children and tend to a husband would have saved me some blood, sweat and tears in trying to figure it out on my own.
Another thing I would have done is prayed more. Praying over our marriage and allowing God to be the head of our union sooner, would have prevented us both from letting our own selfish desires rule. And last but not least, I would have taken a personal inventory. By acknowledging the personal changes I needed to make and looking into the ways I needed to grow would have given me the opportunity to put the needs of my spouse first. It would have prevented me from bringing my “bad stuff” into my marriage.
For some, preparing for a marriage may just include working on self or getting that life makeover before they commit to that other person. Instead of just focusing on the wedding, realizing what really makes a marriage successful is the key. With anything great, there must be preparation. Asking ourselves honest questions like what will it take to be a good wife for my husband or a good husband to my wife has to come well before we say “I Do.”
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. Tiya recently created and launched (Tuesdays with Tiya) Life Editing Radio show on blogtalkradio.com. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.