A recent comment from a reader on the article “Marriage is Like a Funeral” sparked the idea for this post. The reader explained why most men may feel like marriage is the end of life as they know it. She stated it’s partly due to women having the most control in a marriage. Her comment was:
“I often hear men refer to marriage as a death of some kind in my circle as well, and in many cases I can’t blame them for seeing it that way. Men and women approach marriage and commitment differently. Women, for the most part, see marriage as a fairy tale (prince charming, happily ever after…etc) whereas a man sees it as an exchange that must take place in order to keep sex and peace consistent in his life ( he usually loses both after the “I do”). Most women don’t lose freedom in marriage. In fact, in many cases, marriage allow women more control, which may be the reason why many are obsessed with the idea. On the other hand, men easily become more like children when they marry. I find it sad when I hear married folks tell a newly married man to “just do what your wife says” or ” women are always right.” No, you’re not always right and things should not always go your way. From my experience, most women who are happy in their marriage usually have a husband who is not.”
I immediately pondered on that thought a little further. Do we really have the most control? I agree that most women don’t actually lose any freedom in marriage, but I also think men don’t have to either. I thought about the lengths my husband goes through to make sure I have what I need and then some. His goal, I can tell, is to keep momma happy at home. And he has been successful. But I don’t know that it is anything I demanded of him or that it’s to keep me quiet. It’s more about him being in tune and aware of what actually keeps a marriage striving.
However, I do find there is some truth to the reader’s comment. There are many marriages where the husband gives in simply because it’s easier. Yes, there are women who have to have it their way or else. Those are unfortunate situations and shouldn’t be the norm. No one person in a marriage should have complete control. One spouse should never feel unfulfilled or as though they don’t matter. This isn’t the goal of a healthy marriage. Our relationships should always be equal in love, effort and true happiness.
BMWK — Do you think women have the most control in marriage?