by Harriet Hairston
I just read about Eva Longoria and Tony Parker filing for divorce today on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. Typically these grounds are the basis for what lawyers call a “no-fault divorce.”
I would definitely beg to differ. There is no such thing as a no-fault divorce when it comes to married couples. Irreconcilable differences are basically a cop-out for divorcing based on the small, nit-picky things that a couple was either too lazy or too overconfident to deal with.
Wikipedia defines this vicious phenomenon as, “Differences between spouses that are considered sufficiently severe to make married life together more or less impossible.”
How can a couple prevent this from happening within their own marriage?
1. MAINTENANCE! Date nights, conversations, sex, open communication, all these things are necessary to help a couple maintain their marriage. Like a car, if not properly maintained, a marriage may break down between the 5-7 year point, which is particularly upsetting when one thinks about all they’ve invested in the relationship (time, money, children, love, emotions, etc.).
2. FRIENDSHIP! The darkness of human nature never ceases to amaze me. Humanity in general will treat complete strangers with more respect and compassion than those closest to them. In a marriage, it’s necessary to not only love one another, but LIKE each other, too! Even in disagreement, consider how you disagree with a friend vs. your spouse–are you more prone to hit below the belt with your spouse? Maintain your friendship, and you won’t fall victim to irreconcilable differences.
3. LAUGHTER! The ability to laugh at one another and with one another is essential to preventing irreconcilable differences. Dr. John Gottman, a world renowned marriage counselor, stated that couples who employ humor in disagreements are more likely to resolve their differences than those who continue to fight to get their point across.
4. FIGHT! Not one another, but the danger zones, laziness and forces out there that would attempt to tear you apart. Let’s face it: we live in a society that’s not friendly towards marriage. BMWK has been on the front lines of that endless battle for years now! Find the “umph” in your “try” to make your marriage triumphant over all the foolishness that wants to break it apart!
Irreconcilable differences, as stated, is a cowardly cop-out to the beauty a marriage can become once all the obstacles are externalized rather than internalized. Join the fight to maintain your marriage and ensure irreconcilable differences is a thing only seen in Hollywood and professional sports arenas.
BMWK, what weapons do you use to maintain your marriage and prevent irreconcilable differences from taking place?
God bless!
~ Harriet