Did your parents ever tell you not to go to bed angry? My mother instilled this in me. Whether an old wives’ tale or a biblical adage, there is something to it. Every couple has disagreements but you don’t have to go to bed angry.
It took me years to realize this. Sure I knew the saying but that doesn’t mean I followed it. It can be a challenge to get yourself together in the heat of the moment and let the disagreement rest until morning. But I’ve learned when you let the disagreement rest, it’s easier for you to rest too.
Just like many of you, my husband and I have disagreed on everything from the kids to the finances. Been there, done that. But we’ve since learned from those mistakes. And I’d like to share my lessons with you.
Here are four ways to overcome frustrations and go to bed without being angry with each other.
- Remember the current disagreement is small in the big scheme of your life.
It only represents a portion of your life together and not the whole thing. Why drag out an argument that you know is only a temporary hurdle? - Sleep close to one another.
Sleep close—close enough so that nothing can get in between you. Not even the current disagreement. Put aside the anger and rest. Rest your body, and rest your mind. - Don’t discount the way you feel or the way your mate feels.
Let go of anger, so that you can think clearly and rest well. Your feelings are real. They can be handled better without the anger. Furthermore, without that anger, you may both be able to acknowledge the other person’s position, and resolve your difference and get back to loving sooner. - Plan a time to talk about the disagreement.
It doesn’t mean the disagreement is settled because you don’t go to bed angry. Schedule a time to talk and come to a mutual understanding.
Think about it, when you go to bed angry, you don’t rest well. The challenge keeps running through your mind. What he said; what you said; what you should have said. The more you think about it, the angrier you become.My mother would say, “Don’t give the devil a foot hole. When you go to bed angry, you leave the door open for him to walk right on in.” In other words, going to bed angry opens a breach in your marriage like a breach in a dam.Yet, when you make the decision not to go to bed angry you are standing up for your marriage. You are saying this difficulty won’t break us. We care enough about one another to handle this situation, so that hurt is kept at a minimum and growth is at a maximum.
The four ideas shared here worked for my marriage. Adapt them to suit your marriage. I’m not a marriage guru, but someone who lives the life every day. I don’t know it all, but I do know going to bed angry is hard on a marriage. Help me out; add to this list.
BMWK, What else can married couples do to keep from going to bed angry?