The idea of becoming one in your marriage may cause a sense of anxiety for some of you. Usually, it’s because that statement sounds as though it’s suggesting you and your spouse should think, feel, and act the same, all the time. We all know that just isn’t possible.
I often write about the different experiences that couples bring into their marriage. I have been witness to how difficult it can be to merge all of that life into one, through my relationship coaching practice. One thing I have come to appreciate about even attempting to become one flesh in a marriage is how much stronger a couple can become by even going through that journey. Read on as this article will explore how to be “one flesh” in your marriage.
How to Be “One Flesh” in Your Marriage
In This Article:
Defining “One Flesh”
We first learn the term “one flesh” in Genesis 2:24, where it states “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Of course, everyone has their own interpretation of what that means, but it really highlights the sanctity of marriage. It reminds us that each couple’s marriage is their very own. It only involves the two people who looked into one another’s eyes on their wedding day and said “I do”. A couple’s marriage has nothing to do with anyone else outside of that union, though there may be others who have opinions.
What “One Flesh” Thinking Feels Like
Becoming “one” is a concept that couples have to believe in, in order for it to exist in their partnership. It is ultimately a way of thinking, being and feeling. That “one” type of thinking can show up in a few different ways and it can mean quite a few things. It can mean that you show up for one another no matter what. You are one team who chose to do life together; navigating through life’s challenges by being there to pick each other up whenever it’s needed. It means combining your efforts and working in unison to make your marriage the absolute best it can be for each other. Becoming “one” is about keeping the perspectives of others outside of your marriage and standing in solidarity.
How to Practice Becoming “One Flesh”
Again, it’s not always easy, but it’s also not too difficult to practice becoming “one flesh” Here are a few tips to get you and your spouse started.
Love your spouse first and foremost. Practice unconditional love within your marriage by loving your spouse without any strings attached. Love them through your actions and not just your words, and love them just because.
Understand the flaws your spouse brought into the marriage. You can surely support your spouse in working through their bad habits and behaviors, but first seek to understand why they exist in the first place.
Don’t speak ill of your spouse. Be mindful of how you choose to talk about your spouse. Any issues you have in your marriage should first be shared with your partner so they have the opportunity to do the work on themselves. Outsiders shouldn’t have the inside scoop on your marriage before your partner does; it just isn’t fair.
Don’t allow others to speak negatively about your spouse. Whether it’s true or not, it’s not anyone else’s place to tell you what should happen within your marriage or what your spouse should or shouldn’t be doing. Be quick to shut down the negativity concerning your marriage.
Be willing to give of yourself in all the ways. Marriage is about giving; each partner should be willing to give their whole selves, which includes time, energy, effort, forgiveness, gratitude, and everything in between. 
Connect on deeper levels as often as possible. Talk about the light and fun stuff, but also the deep and serious stuff with your partner. This is where you learn your partner’s concerns, their fears, and what they truly care about.
Be emotionally available to your partner. Be vulnerable by letting your guard down and opening up in ways you don’t open up to anyone else in this world. Pull the layers back and allow your spouse to see all of you.
Get carried away in your intimacy. Becoming “one” is also about your physical connection. Allow your intimacy to reach new levels by being willing to explore together and by having honest conversations about your desires.
I love God’s plan for marriage. He lays it out simply for all couples to follow and the first instruction is to become “one”. The goal for all couples should include striving to become “one flesh”. Becoming one with your partner is possible. First, there has to be an understanding of what it means, then designing what it will look like in your marriage, and finally following the tips provided here to get you started.
BMWK, in what ways do you and your spouse demonstrate that you are “one flesh” in your marriage?
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