by Adam Butler,
Gender roles and the concept of female “bread winners” has always been a major issue on Facebook, and a hot topic of conversation during my social forums, the Vent. I’ve been thinking about what is the real problem, if any, with female “bread winners”? Why are we men so afraid to deal with a woman that makes more than us?
Perhaps the issue isn’t as simple as who makes more money than who. Maybe the issue is who carries more weight than the other. Each and every time this issue has come up during one of our forums a woman (or two or three) says, “I don’t want to take care of a man”; and I agree with this 100%!
I don’t think any man that is worth his salt would want to lay around and willingly let a woman do all the work. Now, I’m not talking about lames here, this post is only referring to real men. See, what I think confuses men the most, or is the biggest question, is what exactly happens when his wife becomes the “bread winner”? Will she throw it in my face? Will she get tired and eventually leave me? Am I less of a man because I don’t make as much as her?
OK.. OK.. OK, I know this may sound silly, but these are the questions that go through most men’s heads. You have to understand that a lot of us were raised to be the “bread winner” at all cost. And as a man, if you don’t accomplish this goal you are without question a failure! Seems harsh, but ask any man and I guarantee you they would agree. It’s the culture we live in and I know it seems as though It’s a tough expectation, but it’s the truth. This is why men do things like wait forever to ask a woman they love with all their heart to marry them because they are saying to themselves “I gotta get my money right before all that“. It’s a silly thing to think, but if you really give it some thought it becomes pretty simple to figure out.
From the way most of us were raised, to the TV we watch, and the music we listen to, we are taught that the man better bring home the bacon. And if he doesn’t, someone else will. Sorry fellas, the truth of the matter is that in today’s economy and with most of the labor jobs in America disappearing (which mostly men work) it’s possible that you will meet a woman that makes more than you. You should understand that this is nothing to be ashamed of because most “real” women are not looking for you to be their sugar daddy.
A woman just wants you to put in as much work as she does.
She wants to see that you budget your money wisely, so if you do get married she knows you won’t put the family into horrible debt. She wants to know that you will never stop trying to be the best man that you can be, and that you wont settle or give up on improving yourself and your family. If you show her these things and she’s the right one for you, then she will understand your struggle.
Now let me add one last piece before I end this. I am in no way saying that women are obligated to struggle with a man! And fellas, I’m not saying that you should just expect her too do so. All I’m saying is that actions always speak louder than words and sometimes if you show her you are a great man, that’s up to great things, then she will feel comfortable building greatness with you. Hard times come and go, but you shouldn’t let those hard times control your life. Show her you are worth it! Make her believe in you, just as much as you believe in yourself. It’s not about who makes more, its not a competition. It’s about how you two compliment each other so that you two can become a great team.
BMWK – do you think men are afraid of women who make more? If so, why?
Born and raised in Washington DC, Adam Butler is the host and producer of Mindstream Radio, an online radio show that focuses on ending the disconnect in the African American community. He is also the director and producer of the documentary film “I’m single because: The civil war between Black Men and Women” and co-founder of www.endthedisconnect.com. You can follow Adam by logging on to www.endthedisconnect.com