Dear Men and Women,
Your man is not your accessory. Your woman is not your mother.
Okay, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let me give it some context.
Remember the times when our relationships were new and full of energy, lust, chemistry and excitement? ***cue Michael Jackson song “Do You Remember the Time”***
But then, life happened. Careers got in way. Kids started popping out. And before you knew it, you forgot you had a husband or wife. Your man simply became your accessory—someone you can have by your side and claim as your own. Or your woman became your mother—someone you’re always asking to do something for you and the one who keeps everything in order.
We are only human, and sometimes we fall short. Sometimes, as we get more settled in our relationships, we become less conscious and we get complacent. It’s not that we love our mates any less, it’s just that we aren’t as mindful about the loving actions as we should be.
We have to understand that many things in love are like a muscle, and if you don’t work that muscle, it will atrophy. Things like kissing, hugging, sexing, dating, intimacy and communication have to be consciously (and consistently) worked!
You see “connection” first takes attention, and then it takes action! I know you’ve been meaning to take her on that date. You’ve been meaning to tell him how much you appreciate him. You’ve been meaning to hug and kiss her when she walks in the house, and you’ve been meaning to allow him to touch you and make love to you. You’ve been meaning to do a lot of things but the problem is that you haven’t done anything, so now your relationship feels more like a routine than a relationship. And your marriage feels more like an obligation than a true partnership. It’s getting boring… and you’re to blame.
Trust me, I get it! Many times we get so caught up in the day to day that we forget that someone is always waiting to take our spot. We forget that one day the job will be over, the kids will be gone and the noise will be silenced; and we will be left with that husband or that wife.
My plea to you is don’t be left with a stranger. No, I don’t have all of the answers, but here are just a few small ways that you can be conscious about remaining connected.
1) Put it on the family calendar, and schedule time to talk and reconnect.
2) Put reminders in your phone to do the little things.
3) Invest in your marriage together through conferences and workshops.
4) Learn how to say NO to everyone else and YES to your mate!
5) Sign up for a couples group or couple’s meetups.
6) Read relationship books together or look at relationship strengthening movies together.
7) Get a relationship accountability couple who will encourage and inspire you to stay connected.
Sometimes, it’s these little things that trigger those old feelings we had for one another, and on the flipside, they can help us see where we might be slacking. Either way, stay conscious my friends!
BMWK, let us know what you do to stay conscious in your marriage?