by Franchesca Lane-Warren
When you take your wedding vows the lines “for better or for worse” are repeated but most people don’t understand the magnitude of those words until something bad happens in their marriage. For me and my family the “bad” came when my husband was laid off of his job of eight years, right before we were about to relocate to a new city. For months we had planned and saved cash for our move from Tennessee to Georgia. I had found a job, his job had agreed to transfer him, we had found a good school for our kids–we were ready to go. Since I was 9 months pregnant in June of 2008, we were just waiting on me to have the baby and then we were gone into our “new life.”
Everything went as planned and our daughter was born early in the month. I signed my separation papers from my job and when my husband went to make our move official he got some bad news–due to the economy his company could no longer offer him the position in Atlanta but he had the option to stay in Tennessee but his job would be greatly downsized to a part time position. We were floored! We had a renter already paid to stay in our house, we had already signed a lease for our new place, reserved the moving van and switched our son’s schools. We had no choice but to move. Hopeful that the market would be better in Georgia, we decided to take a leap of faith and move. Heck, we were going to be living in Atlanta–the mecca of opportunities for professional African Americans–what could go wrong?
Upon being in Atlanta, I started my new job (with much better pay) and he immediately started applying for jobs. Within the first month I know he applied to at least 100 new positions. He went on several interviews (and second interviews) and almost every time he heard the same thing, “There are just so many mid-level applicants to choose from that they choose someone with more experience.” During this time, I could see him starting to get frustrated. This was a man who had worked since he was 15 years old–so to him NOT having a job was unacceptable. Still oblivious to the tanking economy, one day we were listening to the news and all we kept hearing was recession, foreclosures, bail outs and we knew what all of this would mean for us–there might be a possibility that he not find a “decent” job anytime soon.
So what did we do? We decided to take matters into our own hands and preserve our marriage and our sanity!
1. We looked at all of our monthly expenses and decided to cut back any extras we did not need.
Before my husband lost his job we lived a very comfortable middle class living. I frequented all of the malls in our area and I bought what I wanted. When we realized that we would go down to one income (with a new baby) we took a hard look at our expenses and began to slash expenses. I started to use coupons while grocery shopping and stopped going out to eat several times a week. I stayed out the mall and began to bargain shop all around. We even began to analyze our bills and see if we could get better rates. In the end we cut our spending by 50%. For example, we bundled out internet, cable and home phone and cut our home phone bill by $100.00!
2. We immediately paid off our last car note so that money could stay in the house.
When my husband realized that he was not going to be immediately working we took some of his severance package and immediately paid off the remaining balance (maybe $2000). This gave us immediate breathing room financially. Since we both had cars that were totally paid for this also allowed us the option to quickly sell a car (if we needed to). In the end, I was glad my car was paid for when I found out my job was not giving out our yearly raise. The money we spent went into our savings account so that we could use it when real emergencies (water heater went out, car broke down, etc) came about.
3. We developed a plan to find employment in a new city.
Moving to a new city with a family is hard enough but moving to a new city without employment is even harder. After realizing that it may take him longer than expected to find work, we developed a plan that included: revising resumes, seeing recruiters, networking with professional groups in the area. After a long 18 months of being unemployed, my husband found work with a Fortune 500 company. It isn’t an “ideal” position but my husband did not care. He wanted/needed to work and so he accepted the offer and now has been back in the swing of things for over a year!
4. When times got rough, we realized that we loved each other–and everything else was secondary to that.
When a man who is used to working is without work it’s hard for the ego. So there were many times we argued and fussed because we were so stressed out. But after the arguing got “old” we decided we had been together 9-plus years so this was a test of many we would endure as a couple. Once we both got over the fact that this was going to be hard on both of us, things got easier and we learned to just love each other despite our frustrations. For example, my husband essentially became a SAHD (Stay at home dad) for our daughter (and later our youngest son). He (re)learned how to change diapers, treat fevers, take the kids to the pediatrician, cook, clean and maintain sanity all with a baby (and later another one) underfoot. At first I worried about how he would handle everything but before long he was a pro at taking care of babies. In the end, it made him sympathize with what I did on a regular basis and even now after a long hard day at work he manages to get some energy to help with whatever is going on.
In the end we got through this test but it took a long 18 months before we could see the “light.” Finally after a lot of networking, sacrifices and “hitting the pavement” my husband found a job. But not without some sacrifices–my husband had to start at a new company with no senority and we were forced to sell off some property we owned but in the end we realize that this was just a test of many that we will endure being married and that in the end we are stronger together than apart!
What tests have you endured in your marriage/relationships? How did you get through it?
Fran is a writer, blogger, mother, entrepreneur who spends her time wrangling three kids and husband all while running her business, The Editing Nerd, and her lifestyle blog, Bossygirl1980.com. Find her on Twitter reliving the good, bad and strange world of parenting.