When you take your wedding vows the lines “for better or for worse” are repeated but most people don’t understand the magnitude of those words until something bad happens in their marriage. For me and my family the “bad” came when my husband was laid off of his job of eight years, right before we were about to relocate to a new city. For months we had planned and saved cash for our move from Tennessee to Georgia. I had found a job, his job had agreed to transfer him, we had found a good school for our kids–we were ready to go. Since I was 9 months pregnant in June of 2008, we were just waiting on me to have the baby and then we were gone into our “new life.”
Everything went as planned and our daughter was born early in the month. I signed my separation papers from my job and when my husband went to make our move official he got some bad news–due to the economy his company could no longer offer him the position in Atlanta but he had the option to stay in Tennessee but his job would be greatly downsized to a part time position. We were floored! We had a renter already paid to stay in our house, we had already signed a lease for our new place, reserved the moving van and switched our son’s schools. We had no choice but to move. Hopeful that the market would be better in Georgia, we decided to take a leap of faith and move. Heck, we were going to be living in Atlanta–the mecca of opportunities for professional African Americans–what could go wrong?
Upon being in Atlanta, I started my new job (with much better pay) and he immediately started applying for jobs. Within the first month I know he applied to at least 100 new positions. He went on several interviews (and second interviews) and almost every time he heard the same thing, “There are just so many mid-level applicants to choose from that they choose someone with more experience.” During this time, I could see him starting to get frustrated. This was a man who had worked since he was 15 years old–so to him NOT having a job was unacceptable. Still oblivious to the tanking economy, one day we were listening to the news and all we kept hearing was recession, foreclosures, bail outs and we knew what all of this would mean for us–there might be a possibility that he not find a “decent” job anytime soon.
So what did we do? We decided to take matters into our own hands and preserve our marriage and our sanity!
1. We looked at all of our monthly expenses and decided to cut back any extras we did not need.
Before my husband lost his job we lived a very comfortable middle class living. I frequented all of the malls in our area and I bought what I wanted. When we realized that we would go down to one income (with a new baby) we took a hard look at our expenses and began to slash expenses. I started to use coupons while grocery shopping and stopped going out to eat several times a week. I stayed out the mall and began to bargain shop all around. We even began to analyze our bills and see if we could get better rates. In the end we cut our spending by 50%. For example, we bundled out internet, cable and home phone and cut our home phone bill by $100.00!
2. We immediately paid off our last car note so that money could stay in the house.
When my husband realized that he was not going to be immediately working we took some of his severance package and immediately paid off the remaining balance (maybe $2000). This gave us immediate breathing room financially. Since we both had cars that were totally paid for this also allowed us the option to quickly sell a car (if we needed to). In the end, I was glad my car was paid for when I found out my job was not giving out our yearly raise. The money we spent went into our savings account so that we could use it when real emergencies (water heater went out, car broke down, etc) came about.
3. We developed a plan to find employment in a new city.
Moving to a new city with a family is hard enough but moving to a new city without employment is even harder. After realizing that it may take him longer than expected to find work, we developed a plan that included: revising resumes, seeing recruiters, networking with professional groups in the area. After a long 18 months of being unemployed, my husband found work with a Fortune 500 company. It isn’t an “ideal” position but my husband did not care. He wanted/needed to work and so he accepted the offer and now has been back in the swing of things for over a year!
4. When times got rough, we realized that we loved each other–and everything else was secondary to that.
When a man who is used to working is without work it’s hard for the ego. So there were many times we argued and fussed because we were so stressed out. But after the arguing got “old” we decided we had been together 9-plus years so this was a test of many we would endure as a couple. Once we both got over the fact that this was going to be hard on both of us, things got easier and we learned to just love each other despite our frustrations. For example, my husband essentially became a SAHD (Stay at home dad) for our daughter (and later our youngest son). He (re)learned how to change diapers, treat fevers, take the kids to the pediatrician, cook, clean and maintain sanity all with a baby (and later another one) underfoot. At first I worried about how he would handle everything but before long he was a pro at taking care of babies. In the end, it made him sympathize with what I did on a regular basis and even now after a long hard day at work he manages to get some energy to help with whatever is going on.
In the end we got through this test but it took a long 18 months before we could see the “light.” Finally after a lot of networking, sacrifices and “hitting the pavement” my husband found a job. But not without some sacrifices–my husband had to start at a new company with no senority and we were forced to sell off some property we owned but in the end we realize that this was just a test of many that we will endure being married and that in the end we are stronger together than apart!
What tests have you endured in your marriage/relationships? How did you get through it?
Fran is a writer, blogger, mother, entrepreneur who spends her time wrangling three kids and husband all while running her business, The Editing Nerd, and her lifestyle blog, Bossygirl1980.com. Find her on Twitter reliving the good, bad and strange world of parenting.
Briana Myricks says
What an inspirational story Fran. My husband and I lost our jobs 9 months apart from each other, as newlyweds. It’s a hard road but now we’re both back in school and moving back home with our parents. Reading your story reaffirms that things WILL get better in time.
BossyGIrl1980 says
Thanks girl! Losing a job is so hard…Sometimes it can bring you closer!
Lisa says
My husband and I have been through numerous layoffs and firings. As a matter of fact, two months before our wedding, I was laid off. It was right before our baby’s first Christmas and less than 60 days to our wedding. We buckled down and held onto each other. Watching my husband to be support me during that time taught me that material things were not the foundation of our relationship. Less than a month after our honeymoon, I found another job. I have never been happier to have been fired.
Bossygirl1980 says
Wow Lisa! That is a lot of layoffs..I’m glad things got better!
Lamar says
Wow. Thanks for sharing your story Fran and what you learned from it
step by step. This is information that’s severely needed right now.This is an important topic and it’s actually going to be something we cover in our new film Still Standing just for that reason.
Bossygirl1980 says
THanks Lamar! I can not WAIT until the movie comes out!!!
Nia says
I was laid off 4 months ago. Fortunately, I did get a good severance package and was unhappy in my job anyway so it was a welcome change. I’m now following my dream to be an entrepreneur which is what I’ve always wanted. I actually view it as a blessing to have this time with my 2 yr old daughter as well. I would’ve never quit my job bc of the responsibilities. I had worked since I was 15 I needed and wanted a break and thankfully my husband has been supportive thus far.
Bossygirl1980 says
Nia follow your dreams!!! THat is what I am doing now!!!
Myaeh says
I had great expectations for this site, but non are materializing. After 18 months of an unemployed spouse this is the best that you have to offer?
Mark Anthony Dyson says
There are some great lessons here. The best advice given here is taking marriage and employment situation in your own hands. As a career consultant, I see distracted job seekers focus unemployment stats and others’ lack of success. Unemployment does not control, dictate, or downgrade your marriage. If it does, failure is eminent.
Lamar says
Great comment Mark.
Sonia says
I have been through this before and it’s not easy. You really have to re-assess your budget closely and what matters most. Unemployment benefits only lasts only so long and I think some people use this as a crutch to avoid what they need to do: get back out there in full force and find another job. Even though it might appear bleak, there are jobs out there, but you have to create a game plan to hunt for a new job.
Cutting back on unnecessary stuff is easy, harder with kids, but if it is just you two, then it should be a given what you have to do. Losing a job can leave people in shock that can result in a deep depression providing you let it. I went through this recently and instead of pondering what I was going to do financially, I didn’t waste any time doing what came next: network, update my resume and stay on the hunt for a job.
I wish anyone going through this support and prayers.
GoDiva says
Myaeh, you have some nerves. Your attitude is bad. This is a great site, hence all of the POSITIVE responses and subcribers. As a single women, I love this site as it gives me insight to what I should and shouldn’t do once I get married, and things to think about going forward in my current relationship. If this site is not materializing to what YOU expected, then why don’t you and your unemployed spouse start a site of your own?
Aehoward03 says
My husband and I are currently going through this. My husband has been looking for a job for over a year. Last month, I was laid off with a new baby in toll. We both have been looking and by the grace of God, I currently received an offer. My husband however us still looking. We have been together for 12 years. We try our best to make it through. We continue to be faithful to God and knowing that nothing this world can give us without the blessings if the Lord. We cherish each other and do know that one day we will reach all of our goals together. I know ge will be working again real soon. Thank you fir thus wonderful and inspirational article.
julie says
Thank you so much for this article. My hubs got laid off this summer after 15 years at the same company. After 3 months of no luck, he finally had a meltdown–this week has been hell. But thank you for making me realize that things could be worse, and that “this too shall pass.” And the paying-off-the-car tip is a great idea!