Lamar and I are shooting our 5th documentary film and the topic is Blended Families. This topic is near and dear to our hearts because we have a blended family. I had two children from a previous relationship when Lamar and I met, and then we had two more kids after we got married. And what we’ve found out is that our family structure is not so un-common as 1/3 of all Americans find themselves in some type of step-family relationship – step-parent, step-child, or step-sibling.
But since blended families are so prevalent, how come everyone is so surprised by the challenges that they face after getting married? And when I say everyone….I am including myself in that. In interviewing the couples for our film, I heard terms like “blind-sided” “sucker punched” and “unprepared” for problems that surfaced after wedding day. And unfortunately, most families are not able to survive with over 60% of re-marriages ending in divorce. And if the re-marriage involves children, then the likelihood of divorce increases.
I was at a marriage conference a few weeks back, and Dr. Gary Chapman- marriage guru and author of The Five Love Languages, gave us 3 factors that lead to re-divorce:
- Factor #1 – The Children – not realizing how the kids are adjusting…..and the inability to be empathetic with the kids. To be honest, if I had to do it all again, I would have talked with my kids more before getting married…rather than assume. I assumed that things were “hunky dory” because everyone got along while Lamar and I were dating. But dating and being married and living together are very different things. And talking to your kids first about their feelings and about what is going to happen in the blended family will help to start you off in the right direction. And don’t be afraid to hear from your kids that they don’t want you to get married. If anything, you should be glad that your kids are sharing their true feelings because now you will be able to address their concerns.
Click here to read more factors that lead to re-divorce and what you can do about it…….. 3 Things You Should Know Before Getting Married Again, Blended Family Challenges
Then come back and share with us tips or resources that you have used to help your family overcome challenges.