She brushed it off a few times but I knew after about the tenth time she was asked, it had to be affecting her emotionally. Being the gracious host that she is, she smiled her way through it and instead of saying, “Back off” or “Leave me alone” she would instead ask “Do you need anything? Would you like something else to drink?”.
She probably wanted to cry and needed a hug because no matter how many times they asked, “So when are y’all having kids?” she knows that them asking won’t help her get pregnant any faster. You see, she and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for a while now, but her friends and family keep trying to rush a process that God has slowed down. Take a second to put yourself in their shoes…come follow me.
When the Process is Longer than You Expected
For a woman being able to conceive is a big part of her nature and identity as a woman. For a man it’s a matter of pride, legacy, and deeper meaning to life. Many couples struggle for months and even years to have children. Sometimes, what starts off as fun and exciting can turn into disappointing and frustrating. Month after month they spend looking at ovulation calendars, taking pre-natal vitamins, and reading every “get pregnant” tip they can find on Google, only to keep getting negative pregnancy test results.
The first few months were more than exciting; he starts getting more sex than he can handle and the anticipation of being a mother sends her on an emotional high. Suddenly after about 6 months, the worry sets in. Sex becomes more of a job than a spontaneous, fun event, and stress mounts up (which according to Google just further decreases the chances of conceiving). She feels sad, mad, and even helpless and her husband hates seeing her like this because this is the one thing he can’t just FIX!
When it Seems Like Everyone is Pregnant
Okay, so not only are they on the emotional roller coaster but its like the world rubs it in their faces daily. Everybody they know is getting pregnant, even the ones who aren’t even trying to get pregnant or really aren’t “ready” to be pregnant. Now don’t get me wrong, they are very genuinely happy for the people successfully conceiving because it’s a beautiful thing, but there are always those feelings that make them wonder…”God, when will it be our turn?” Compound this with every in-law and friend of the family almost demanding the sounds of the pitter patter of little feet soon…even the most patient and tolerable couple might get a little irritable. While it’s not anyone else’s “fault,” or even their own, they are so disappointed that they almost begin to feel like failures.
So the next time you are asked questions like “when will there be a baby bun in that oven?” or any variation of that for what seems like the 1000th time, the truth is that no one really knows that answer except God. While the askers mean well, if it’s time to get creative and have a little fun with your answers, do so! That will let them know that you appreciate their curiosity, but your conception timetable does NOT revolve around their schedules.
BMWK, What advice do you have for couples or family members of couples having trouble conceiving?