by Tara Pringle Jefferson
On that day I walked down the aisle to make a lifelong commitment to my husband, I was a fresh-faced 21-year-old. I had graduated college two weeks earlier. I gave birth to our daughter six months prior to that.
I knew in my bones that I wanted to marry him, but when I tell you I didn’t quite know what “marriage” really meant, I honestly didn’t know.
At that time, marriage meant “forever.” I wanted to be with him forever, so I wanted to get married. I wanted to wake up next to him every morning, I wanted to have his kids (well, check that off the list), I wanted to plan vacations and see our kids off to college together. I loved him, plain and simple.
But what I didn’t know is how much work it was going to take to get us from our first meeting to our last days on earth together. All that in-between time was not going to be as easy as I hoped.
One day, I was just browsing the web, minding my own business, when I found a link to BMWK that one of my friends sent me. I got stuck on the URL. “Black and Married with kids?” I thought to myself. “That’s me!”
I scoured the site and LOVED what I found. I laughed, I took notes, I studied the posts. I walked away from that computer renewed in my dedication to my marriage every single day.
Later, when I became a regular contributor, the lessons sunk in even more. I’d like to present Ronnie and Lamar (and the rest of the BMWK family) with my thanks to them, on all the ways BMWK has improved my marriage.
1) It’s made me a better interpreter of the male mind: To Lamar and all the male contributors and commenters – thank you for sharing your viewpoints on these marriage topics. Prior to my husband, I’ve had only one other boyfriend, so I have no frame of reference when it comes to how my husband thinks. Before BMWK, I thought my husband’s notions and preconceptions were simply his thoughts. Now I see on certain topics, it’s how men think.
2) It’s made me a more patient and loving wife: Seeing how Ronnie gets giddy over Lamar’s mere presence, and Harriet always refers to her husband as Mr. Incredible even when she’s fuming, makes me take the lumps in my own marriage in stride. I am not the perfect wife and I don’t strive to be. But I can let some things roll off my back and add joy in our marriage when I see it’s lacking.
3) It’s made me understand what marriage truly means. Yes, “marriage” is still synonymous with “forever” in my mind, but now I feel like I have a blueprint on how to get there. In the early years of our marriage, every argument left me thinking, “Man, did I make the right decision to get married?” I now know that our marriage is strong enough to withstand any obstacles we may encounter, and I am aware of the tools we can use to help us fight for each other.
So thank you Lamar, Ronnie, Tiya, Harriet, Aja, Eric Payne, Delano, Marcus and everyone else who has graced BMWK with their presence and their stories. You have helped us to have a better marriage. It’s quite possibly the greatest gift I could have ever received – and to think, with the exception of Ronnie, I have yet to meet any of you. Thank you so much.
BMWK family, let us know if this website has helped your marriage in any ways.
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer and blogger living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.