Dear Dr. Buckingham,
I’ve been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years. He has put me first and treated me like a queen. But I took advantage of that and he is fed up with me. Now that I have realized my wrongs and my bad attitude, he wants a break from me.
He says not to contact him and be strong, but I feel like my world has come to an end. I feel like I’ve lost the best thing that has ever happened to me.
The last few days, he has lied about working though I find out he’s been going out with his friends. I don’t know what to do. How Can I Win my Boyfriend Back? Please help.
Ungrateful Girlfriend
Dear Ungrateful Girlfriend,
Sorry to hear that you lost love because you were not able to recognize it. Unfortunately, I hear a lot of women talk about how difficult it is to find love and often wonder if they cannot find love or just do not know how to recognize and appreciate it. Nevertheless, here are three strategies you can implement to win your boyfriend back. I am not guarantying that they will help you win your boyfriend back, but I have seen them work in other relationships.
Do Not Express Desperation
Generally speaking, men like women who are confident and are assured of themselves. Also, men like to commitment. With this in mind, express that you are committed to working on yourself and are committed to him and the relationship. However, do not come across as being desperate, which involves begging, pleading, crying and telling him that you are emotionally unhealthy.
And whatever you do, please do not give him the impression that you cannot live without him. This can potentially cause him to feel pressured and resentment could sneak in the relationship if he takes you back out of pity. Continue to live your life and express appreciation for attention that is given without being overly dramatic.
Make a Commitment to Self-Growth
The most effective way to persuade someone that you are relationship worthy is to focus on self-growth. Your ex-boyfriend will probably not give you a second chance just because you say that you were wrong. Acknowledging your shortcomings is one thing, but to work on them is another. Make a commitment to personal development. Engage in activities that enhance your self-awareness, mind, character and self-esteem.
You might be asking why did I mention self-esteem. Glad you asked. I mentioned self-esteem because a woman who chases a good man way probably has self-esteem issues. Some might be full of themselves and others might not think highly up themselves. Either way, your self-esteem probably affected your relationship. Commit to working on you before you expect someone to commit to you.
Give Him Space and Be Patient
When he was thinking about you, you were not thinking about him in the same way. Now, he probably needs some time to think about the relationship. If you want a chance at saving your relationship, give him space. Please do not jump into panic mode and try to pressure him because you are feeling insecure. The best thing that you can do is to be patient. Also, I would encourage you to think about the phrase, “Patience is a virtue.” The ability to wait without getting angry or desperate is a valuable quality.
Additionally, avoid having deep conversations about how you are feeling without him. Instead, show him how much you enjoy being with him when given the chance. Let him miss you while you work on you. Some people believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I agree. If he really loved you, I believe that he will return to you. However, you should highly consider “working” on you before you try “working” on the relationship. Finding love is sometimes easier than keeping it.
Best regards,
Dr. Buckingham
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.