LeToya Luckett’s latest music video, Back 2 Life, spotlights an issue which has been the cause of turmoil and death to many relationships. The issue at hand is when your mate’s BFF wants to be more than just friends and has no problems in letting their intentions be known, especially too you.
In this 8 minute mini-film, the storyline consists of a growing, thriving relationship which is shattered by LeToya’s boyfriend’s female BFF, who has no problems, by her actions, body language and level of comfort, letting LeToya know she wants her man. When LeToya addresses the situation, her man immediately dismisses the interaction with the following words
“It was nothing, that’s just how we get down.” “You are over reacting” “You are taking this too far” “Maybe it’s not us, maybe it’s you.” “What do you want me to do about it? I can’t change who my friends are, and I can’t change who I am to be in this relationship” “You need to show me and her some respect.”
His words and actions were the tipping points for the demise of their relationship.
This video struck a nerve on the internet because so many could relate to this scenario. Be it male or female, many have dealt with this very problem. I think this storyline spotlighted key issues that occur in most relationships when it comes to dealing with this situation.
Here are four key ways to handle this situation:
First, address the situation:
When the inappropriate behavior occurs, address it immediately. By doing so, you will be able to instantly access the matter to ensure that you are not overreacting and to either garner support or establish where your mate stands regarding their friend’s behavior.
Second, listen to your mate’s response:
How does your mate respond to your concern? Are your concerns heard and addressed or are they dismissed and overlooked? Unfortunately, in this scenario, he never acknowledged LeToya’s concerns. Instead of support or acknowledgement, LeToya received resistance and blame. He offered excuses and stated that she was the one with the problem.
Third, determine how the situation will be handled going forward:
In a perfect scenario, you would want your mate to speak to their friend and address their behavior. If the behavior didn’t change, putting distance between the two (your mate and their BFF) would be the next step, out of respect for your relationship.
However, in this scenario, things went progressively downhill. LeToya tried to move forward but, at every turn, her man allowed his BFF to infiltrate their lives. And at times, she took precedence over their relationship, which caused more tension and division. Once his BFF let her intentions be known, LeToya’s man realized the truth, but it was a little too late.
Fourth, set boundaries and decide what you will do if they are crossed.
And at the end of the day, you can not force a person to do what you want. But, you can decide how you want to be treated and communicate your boundaries to your mate. You must also determine what you will do if your mate continues to cross the line with their “BFF.” At this point the choice is yours: continue to allow the disrespect or move on from the relationship (like LeToya did in the video.)
How NOT to handle this situation
The first thing LeToya’s man did was to accuse her of being insecure. Everyone is not insecure, so he should have been open to hearing her concerns out. If you find yourself in this situation, don’t automatically dismiss the concerns of your mate. Genuinely, take the time to hear their concerns and respect their feelings. Take time to see it from their perspective and put yourself in their shoes.
We all should take heed from the lessons from this video, if you don’t want to find yourself alone. In the end, it will save you a lot of heartache and save your relationship as well.
BMWK, what do you do when your mate’s BFF wants to be more than friends with your man or woman?