by Harriet Hairston
My husband and I are at a crossroads in our marriage. Now, don’t get me wrong, we’re still married, and neither of us are interested in calling it quits. Yet we are having fundamental disagreements on how to choose the road less traveled assigned to us.
Although we both need a change of pace in terms of our careers and economic situations, we don’t agree on how we should go about getting to that change. He wants to move right away, I want to stay and get things in order before even thinking about relocating. He wants to start disconnecting from some of the relationships we have forged during our time here, I want to stay in touch.
We just don’t see eye to eye on this one. It’s difficult because it’s such a huge decision, and neither one of us want to take it lightly. Unfortunately, neither of us wants to budge from our position, either. We are at an impasse…but for the first time, we are not arguing and fussing our way to our ultimate decision. How in the world is this possible?
- FIND AGREEMENT WITHIN THE DISAGREEMENT: We both found a common ground that we can work off of in order to make the ultimate decision. Our common ground is that our finances need to get in order. So we are brainstorming about different ways to make that happen.
- MAKE A DECISION THAT NO MATTER WHAT, WE’RE IN THIS TOGETHER: We’re not separating, we’re not leaving or staying without one another. Period.
- BE STILL IF YOU’RE UNSURE: Whenever one or both of us is vacillating between our opinions, we realize that we need to be still (unless, of course, it’s something that requires an immediate decision). Right now, my husband is giving me the space and understanding I need in order to think about our decision. Although I don’t agree with the method he wants to employ to make change happen, I’m being supportive of his desire to express himself regarding the mental changes taking place within him.
- AGREE TO DISAGREE. This one is self explanatory. There is no sense in putting one another through unnecessary drama. Be patient with one another until you can reach an agreement
From a spiritual standpoint, we have begun a period of fasting together to hear from the Lord about what HIS timing and desire is for this season in our lives. As we pray, read and fast together, we are not listening for our own opinions, but for a decision that’s going to bring Him glory.
What kinds of major decisions have you made as a family that you didn’t necessarily agree upon at first? How did you find common ground?
God bless!
~ Harriet
Harriet Hairston, a freelance writer, human resources administrator at an HBCU and creator of the motivational blog, “Can She SAY That?!?“ has a unique style that brings readers into her life through her transparent demeanor. She lives in Louisiana with her husband and two sons. You can reach her at harriet_hairston@yahoo.com.