My mom always told me that I was a sensitive child. Being sensitive has its benefits: I am perceptive; I look for peace, not war; I try to live and let live. On the other hand, being a sensitive child that turned into a sensitive adult, I struggled with the fear of getting hurt and being rejected. For decades, I would avoid situations that would force me to grow because I viewed challenges as potential catastrophes instead of massive opportunities for growth.
In other words, I was risk-averse. But every single last one of my dreams—learning to speak Spanish, wanting to be married and in love, finding and speaking with an authentic voice as a personal finance coach and feminista, required that I shed that fear, shed that sense of inadequacy, and step into my confidence.
My journey to confidence did not happen overnight and it did not happen without work and without support. I spent many years of self-study reading self-help, attending workshops, and journaling to uncover the source of my fear. Throughout the process, I found that the sources of my fear included doubt about my lovability from my father and being made fun of because I was chubby and with severely damaged hair was less important than the revelation that I just wanted to be happy.
I did not want to allow my past to define my future. I did not want to dwell on it. As a matter of fact, I decided that I would not allow my past to consume me. In this path toward self-discovery and confidence, I realized that I needed more one-on-one support. For close to two years, I met with a counselor/therapist. I loved her and what she helped me see about myself.
Through our conversations, I learned I was lovable, capable, and entitled to (yes entitled) to happiness. On Black and Married with Kids and on The Frugal Feminista, I have expressed my unequivocal belief in the importance of attending to your mental health, especially for those of us that suffer from the Superwoman Syndrome.
The woman that I was on the way to being versus who I am now is night and day; It is a product of confronting my fears and living in my truth.
If you are on a similar journey, don’t give up. Your happiness and the woman that you want to be are waiting to embrace you on the other side of this journey. It’s important that you take the first steps.
BMWK family–Are you on the journey to self-confidence? What are you doing to live the life that you want?