Dear Dr. Buckingham,
I met this man through a friend 4 months ago. It was all bliss and fun until a month later. I found a pair of a lady’s shoes in his closet. Upon inquiry, he said I got too many issues and it’s best if we went our separate ways.
It was painful, but I moved on. A month later he called and asked me to forgive him and we got back together. But little did I know it wasn’t too late. In a week, I received news of him being back with his ex, and again a new pair of shoes in his closet! I left without a word. Weeks later, he tries in vain to get in touch with me. So he goes through my best friend and she asked me to listen to him but I shouldn’t give in whatsoever.
He’s begging for a chance to sit down and explain himself. I’m in total doubt he’ll be honest and won’t hurt me again. I want to move on, but my heart is still with him. And maybe I might dismiss him too soon, yet he’s going to really mean his words. Kindly advise what to do. I Found Female Shoes in the Closet, Should I Stay or Leave?
Needing Help to Decide
Dear Needing Help,
I strongly advise you to explore and examine your judgment of character. I do not say this to offend you, but your social circle is not very beneficial to your emotional wellbeing. Your guy friend is manipulative and your best friend is naïve.
Having a heart of forgiveness is noteworthy, but never allow anyone to make a fool of you. You do not have to lower your standards to please anyone, especially a cheating man. We all are capable of making bad decisions, but there is difference between bad judgment and bad character.
He does not owe you an explanation, he owes you respect.
You can forgive a person who makes a bad decision or two, but be leery of individuals who consistently make bad decisions and exhibit negative habits. Do not overlook or minimize your friend’s habit (cheating) because it reflects his character. His character will become his destiny (cheater). Do not allow your fate to be determined by his fate. You deserve more and should not be involved with a man who places you second in his life.
He does not owe you an explanation, he owes you respect. Give him sometime to figure out what he needs to do with his love life. If the shoes do not fit, you must acquit (set yourself free).
Move on and take care of yourself. Consider seeking professional counseling so that you can process your emotions and get all the hurt feelings out.
Best regards,
Dr. Buckingham
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.