“And I will swallow my pride, you’re the one that I love and I’m saying goodbye…say something I’m giving up on you….” As I listened to these lyrics from Ian Axel in his song “Say Something.” When I heard the vulnerability in his tone, it hit me. What hit me is that pride is not only causing many of us to get into unhealthy relationships, but it’s causing even more of our relationships to be unhealthy even to the point of divorce or separation. It’s in our relationships that we are supposed to be able to feel safe in our vulnerabilities, but often times our pride turns what’s supposed to be a safe space into a boxing ring. We just continuously exchange blows hoping that someone else is the first to fall because no one wants to throw in the towel. Here are a few things that pride is keeping us from doing.
1) Apologizing
Remember when you were younger and you did something wrong and your mother told you to apologize? You hated to do it but you did it because someone told you to. Well, now as an adult, you shouldn’t do it because someone told you that you should do it, but because it’s the right thing to do if you were wrong.
Instead, you miss out on valuable time you could be loving your mate because you don’t want to give in and apologize. That pride has you behaving like a child again.
2) Saying I was wrong
You know you started that argument. You know you didn’t do that thing you said you were going to do. You know when you’ve mistreated your man or your woman but instead of being willing to say you were wrong, all you can do is turn around and say you did it because he or she did something first. Again, how old are we?
And why is it so hard for us to simply say, “baby I was wrong, please forgive me?” The truth is that it’s not truly hard, pride just makes it seem that way.
3) Being vulnerable
You don’t want to show any signs of weakness. You don’t want to let your guard down completely because that means you can be taken advantage of. You don’t express how you feel because you might be judged. You refuse to let your mate IN because you’re afraid that one day they may run OUT. That pride is what is separating you and your mate from true INTIMACY.
4) Getting Help
Your marriage has been in trouble for a long time. You don’t communicate well, your sex life is crumbling, there may be some infidelity, you don’t get along and you damn near hate each other. Instead of investing in your marriage and getting some help, you will say, “I don’t need nobody else telling me anything about my relationship” when in reality it might be just what you and your marriage needs.
That pride has you living in misery and because you won’t get help it’s become a CHOICE not an unfortunate circumstance.
5) Letting Go
Somebody did you wrong in the past and now your current mate is paying the price for it. Instead of allowing the next person to love you, your pride has you still fighting that old person and you just keep losing. Pride just won’t let you let it go, even though the fight will be won once you do.
“And I will stumble and fall, I’m still learning to love, just starting to crawl.” A big part of learning to love starts with learning to love more out of selflessness and less out of pride. Stop being a slave to your pride and you might just find the next level love you have been desiring
BMWK, Has pride allowed your marriage to suffer?