We typically enter into our marriages with quite a few ideas, hopes and dreams. We have expectations of our spouse, just as they do of us. We want them to complete us and make us happy.
While we have our eyes fixed on what they are going to do for us, we rarely consider what we should be doing for them. Usually our spouse has similar needs.
Are you thinking of how to complete your spouse or how to make him/her happy?
Probably not.
In marriage, for the most part, each partner typically has a singular focus – getting their own needs met. It may sound harsh to hear, but it appears to be the reality for most couples.
Related: If you thought your marriage was all about you, read here.
And this is where the conflict ensues. Believe me; I know. This was my challenge at the start of my marriage. If both partners were making sacrifices, couples would be on the same page and there would be considerably less confusion.
When it comes to goal setting, for life in general, it’s important to become really intentional and list the action items needed to accomplish those goals. The same has to happen for your marriage and how you intend to perform as a spouse.
Here are a few very specific questions to help you get started on setting goals for your role as spouse.
- What does it take to please your spouse?
- How often are you doing what pleases your spouse?
- Are you the reason they smile?
- Is your spouse a priority in your life?
- In what ways do you show that your spouse is a priority in your life?
- How often do you affirm your spouse?
- How often do you just check-in with your spouse and find out what’s going on in their world?
- How often do you just listen to your spouse?
- What do you do to demonstrate your attraction to your spouse?
- What is one bad habit you have that your spouse would like you to change?
- What are you doing to change that bad habit?
- What does your spouse need more of in your marriage?
- What does your spouse need less of in your marriage?
- If you really want your marriage to last what are 5 key actions you should be taking right now?
- How do you serve your spouse?
- What sacrifices have you made for the sake of your marriage?
- What additional sacrifices are you willing to make for the sake of your marriage?
- How often do you take “you” out of the equation when it comes to pleasing your spouse?
- How do you handle conflict in your marriage?
- How would your spouse prefer you handle conflict in your marriage?
Related: These six questions are tough, but they help you get rid of relationship clutter.
Having goals and a vision for your marriage helps to keep you focused on what’s most important. Without a vision, a marriage will fail. We must be intentional, committed, and willing to make sacrifices to achieve a healthy relationship.
If you find the answers you gave for the questions above aren’t in alignment with the ideas you had for your marriage, it is never too late to turn that around.
BMWK, what goals did you set for your role as spouse?