Man, listen. I didn’t get married to only have sex once a week!!! I’m sure most men would agree that only getting sex once a week sounds asinine, that is until real life, real responsibilities, real stress and real tiredness seem to creep into our bedrooms when in long-term relationships. So the age-old question comes up: “how often should a couple have sex?” Well, CNN did a study and the results sparked some good conversation!
Just in case you didn’t read the article the magic number iss…drum roll please…ONE! Yes folks once a week. For the couples who reported doing the “do” more than that in a given week, their reported happiness levels were no higher than the couples who only had sex on average once in a week. That was really interesting; while I assume the act is pleasurable for most couples, more of it didn’t account for higher levels of happiness.
Sex for couples is one of the tools to creating intimacy in a relationship, yet for some reason, it always seems as if it’s the first thing to go when there is a problem. If you’re not at your magic number and don’t know why, here are a few things that come between couples and hurt their sex life.
1) Taking on too many responsibilities
The truth is you don’t have but so much energy to go around, so you can’t be president of the PTA, an executive at work, VP of your ministry at church, team mom, the president of the fraternity or sorority, on the board of three volunteer organization and expect to have enough energy to be an energetic husband or wife as well. Sometimes we take on way more things than we can handle, and then the thing that suffers the most is our sex life with our mate. While you think it’s okay, your partner might not agree.
2) Allowing the kid in the bed
Okay, I know you might think it’s cute or it may even be convenient, but it’s a roadblock to sex. Nothing is more UNSEXY than rolling over, thinking you’re going to grab a handful of something warm and supple but instead feel some little feet or a tiny little arm! You can’t roll over to have before sleep sex, midnight sex or even morning sex because your little ones are being little haters! Your child in the bed creates division and doesn’t create a good environment for intimacy.
3) Forgetting to compliment or offer kind words toward each other
Your mate still wants to feel desired, admired and adored, no matter how long you have been together. If you never compliment your mate or tell them how much you appreciate them, then they might not feel wanted. It’s hard to want to have sex with someone who doesn’t make you feel desired. If all your mate ever hears from you are commands, demands and everything that’s wrong in the relationship or in the world then I can’t see them wanting to make sweet passionate love to you.
4) Being out of shape
Sometimes in long term relationships, we get really comfortable, which is a good thing…but not when it means you start to let yourself go. When you trade the gym and workout sessions for couch time or ice cream dates too often, your physical fitness will start to suffer. We aren’t releasing any endorphins, and as a result, we feel drained and low on energy—not to mention we don’t like what we see in the mirror. When we don’t like what we see in the mirror, it’s hard to believe our mates will like it and therefore it’s easier to just give up on sex altogether. No Bueno! (Plus, exercise has been known to boost libido in both genders).
5) Ignoring infidelity issues
If you are a serial cheater or your partner feels like he or she is always competing with others for your attention, then eventually they won’t want to be affectionate with you at all. In fact, they will probably become resentful of you and once that happens, it becomes hard to change that course. With that said if you’ve had this kind of issue, then work through it and if you haven’t then don’t introduce it into the relationship.
Okay now, the CNN study said once a week was good frequency of sex to keep a couple happy, but it is my belief that if you know some of the things, hindering your sex life and improve those things, then once a week can easily turn into multiple times a week. Find out what works for you as a couple and have open discussions about expectations and needs. Also, for goodness sake don’t do the 5 things above because once a week might turn into once a year, and in the word’s of the wise Sweet Brown “AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!”
BMWK, what’s your marriage number in your relationship?