Most of us would agree that trust is the key component to any successful relationship, and few would ever condone lying to a spouse.
Yet, in a recent Today.com/Self magazine financial infidelity survey, nearly half of the participants confessed to keeping money secrets from their partner.
Forty-six percent of the 23,000 survey participants admitted to financial transgressions, including pretending something was on sale when it wasn’t, hiding purchases in the back of closets, pretending a new item was actually old, or secretly withdrawing money from joint accounts. Some even admitted to using secret bank accounts and hidden credit cards.
But are all financial lies created equal? Is it one thing to hide a purchase from a spouse, but another to keep a secret bank account? Or are all financial lies, no matter how small, destructive to a relationship?
Let’s face it. We’re all raised with different values, insecurities, and belief systems concerning money. And when two individuals form a union these belief systems can collide.
That’s perhaps why it’s easier to lie about spending $175 on a purse or $300 on a pair of men’s shoes than it is to endure a lecture or argument from our spouse about our spending.
In fact, 34% of the Today.com/Self survey respondents said they kept money secrets because they disagreed with their spouse about where to spend their money.
This is the very reason it’s critical to set aside time for a candid money discussion with your significant other. Share your history and philosophies concerning money. Create an open dialogue that allows the both of you to get on the same financial page. Lay out the ground rules ahead of time and forge compromises before ever stepping foot into a department store.
Perhaps as a couple you decide to only consult each other on purchases over $50, or perhaps each spouse is given a monthly “allowance” to spend freely, no questions asked.
Maybe a spouse worried about the wayward spending of her partner tells him ahead of time that she’ll be squirreling away money into a family emergency fund.
The key is to have frank and honest discussions in the beginning so that there is no need for money deception later on.
BMWK, have you ever kept a money secret from your spouse? Are financial little white lies ever acceptable in a marriage?