by Tara Pringle Jefferson
I recently read the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (PLEASE pick it up if you haven’t already – he’s spitting knowledge!) and discovered that the way I process love is through quality time with my spouse.
When I shared my revelation with my husband he kind of shrugged. “But we do spend a lot of time together,” he said. “I’m here everyday, you’re here every day, we’re living together, breathing together.”
Now, I mean, TRUE quality time, I told him. Just me and him, and whatever topic we want to discuss or activity we want to partake in.
Most of the time, we’re so tired after work and rangling the kids upstairs and into bed that we collapse on the couch and stare blankly at the TV until one or both of us decides to call it a night. I usually have the laptop with me, and dash off a couple blog posts or social media updates while we’re watching TV, but for the most part – we’re just in each other’s presence, but not truly present.
I’d loooooove to blame this on the fact that it’s 2010 and modern life is so dang busy and we really really are tired, but the truth is we need to make quality time a priority.
So we’re shutting off the TV – for a week. After the kids go to bed, it’s quiet time for Mommy and Daddy and we’re getting our marriage back in shape. There are a few rules though:
1) My husband is allowed to watch The Closer. It’s his show, it’s his thing – I won’t get in the way of that.
2) We have to spend 30 minutes in pure conversation. Not cleaning the kitchen or sweeping the floor or folding clothes while we talk. Just sit…and talk.
3) Yes, DVDs count. No movies.
4) Friday is a date night and we’re getting out of the house, come hell or high water. We’ll focus on each other and let the rest slide away.
Much like Aja’s “Kiss your spouse” challenge, this is designed to bring us closer together. Like many couples, we used to talk for hours before we got married. And I mean, Oh-my-how-did-it-get-to-be- 5 a.m.? conversations. I miss those days and while I don’t think we necessarily need to get back to that (I have to go to work in the morning! LOL), we do need to focus on what brought us together, and what will keep us together – quality time.
What steps are you taking to spend more quality time with your spouse? Do you feel you are often “present” when you’re together? Who’s taking the “No TV for a week” challenge with me?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer and blogger living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.