by Tara Pringle Jefferson
I recently read the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (PLEASE pick it up if you haven’t already – he’s spitting knowledge!) and discovered that the way I process love is through quality time with my spouse.
When I shared my revelation with my husband he kind of shrugged. “But we do spend a lot of time together,” he said. “I’m here everyday, you’re here every day, we’re living together, breathing together.”
Now, I mean, TRUE quality time, I told him. Just me and him, and whatever topic we want to discuss or activity we want to partake in.
Most of the time, we’re so tired after work and rangling the kids upstairs and into bed that we collapse on the couch and stare blankly at the TV until one or both of us decides to call it a night. I usually have the laptop with me, and dash off a couple blog posts or social media updates while we’re watching TV, but for the most part – we’re just in each other’s presence, but not truly present.
I’d loooooove to blame this on the fact that it’s 2010 and modern life is so dang busy and we really really are tired, but the truth is we need to make quality time a priority.
So we’re shutting off the TV – for a week. After the kids go to bed, it’s quiet time for Mommy and Daddy and we’re getting our marriage back in shape. There are a few rules though:
1) My husband is allowed to watch The Closer. It’s his show, it’s his thing – I won’t get in the way of that.
2) We have to spend 30 minutes in pure conversation. Not cleaning the kitchen or sweeping the floor or folding clothes while we talk. Just sit…and talk.
3) Yes, DVDs count. No movies.
4) Friday is a date night and we’re getting out of the house, come hell or high water. We’ll focus on each other and let the rest slide away.
Much like Aja’s “Kiss your spouse” challenge, this is designed to bring us closer together. Like many couples, we used to talk for hours before we got married. And I mean, Oh-my-how-did-it-get-to-be- 5 a.m.? conversations. I miss those days and while I don’t think we necessarily need to get back to that (I have to go to work in the morning! LOL), we do need to focus on what brought us together, and what will keep us together – quality time.
What steps are you taking to spend more quality time with your spouse? Do you feel you are often “present” when you’re together? Who’s taking the “No TV for a week” challenge with me?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer and blogger living in Ohio with her husband and two children. Visit her blog, www.theyoungmommylife.com, to read more of her observations about life, motherhood and love.
Brandi G says
As a ‘Closer’ fiend myself, good strategy on making a space for your husband to watch ‘The Closer’.
Moneymonk says
I also heard that having a TV in the bedroom, lessens your sex life
Shawna Renee says
I was told years ago to never put a TV in your bedroom, especially if you share it with your mate. Since then my room has been TV and laptop free and it makes a huge difference.
HarrietH says
I’m a Grey’s Anatomy fiend myself…but my husband likes that show. Sometimes things come up where I have to miss it. There are plenty of ways to catch up…tivo, dvr, casttv.com, hulu.com and youtube just to name a few. Overall, this is one of the reasons we choose not to purchase cable. I’d rather spend that time with Mr. Incredible and I all up in each other’s space. Life is too busy to allow a box to cause us to distance ourselves.
TheMrs says
My now 16 yr old stepdaughter lived with us during last school year and she didn’t understand why it was mandatory for all kids to be upstairs by 9:30. This was our quality time every evening, kids in bed or atleast in their rooms and we had a good hour before we called it a night. I explained to her that it was our ritual to spend time together, even if we sat here and stared at a wall there would be no one to interrupt us(we’d jump up for nightmares and sounds under the bed, but that’s it…lol). The weekends didn’t really change the schedule much either….we watch a family movie while eating pizza and popcorn, send the kids to take their baths and go to their rooms and then it was mommy and daddy date night.
Kshan Poitier says
I read an article a few months that reported that TV in the bedroom is not healthy for various reasons, including it limitations of life capacity, due to the lack of proper sleep. Personally, I like to eat and watch TV and that can’t be healthy lying down, before a night’s sleep and then there’s crumbs in the sheets. Anyways (before a swerve off-topic), weight gain and sleepiness can not be good for any relationship.
Nuffsaid says
Love this strategy!!!
nuffsaid says
I agree with this post in its entirety! My husband is a movie fanatic and I have several shows that I DVR. So we do watch a lot of tv in our downtime. However, I will occassionally have to explain to him that I just want to talk. No movies, no tv, nothing. He doesn’t like it much at first, but he always gets on board even though I do most of the talking:) I enjoy my husband’s company and I like talking to him. So I agree that it is truly important to make time for conversation and memories, not just television.
TheMrs says
Thanks, it’s taken some tweeking over the years as our couple of kids became a tribe…lol. But we are back on it full swing. It’s nice to have that downtime with just the 2 of us no matter how tired we are. If we aren’t bogged down with homework help, he’ll also join me in the kitchen so we can chat about the days events while they are still fresh on our minds.
mochazina says
Funny you mentioned laundry… One of our best talking times is over folding & putting up clothes. LOL The problem I have is that my RibDonor has a touch of narcolepsy, so any simple sitting & talking, he starts dozing after a while… It’s kinda cute sometimes, absolutely maddening others! 😀