Life isn’t always easy. Sometimes you think maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, only to realize that you’ve been waking up on the wrong side of the bed every day for months. So of course, when that realization hits you, you start looking for someone to blame. After all, it can’t possibly be your entire fault, right?
Unfortunately, you later find yourself thinking about all the things going wrong in your marriage. Your frustrations start to come to the surface and they are just all up in your face. Maybe your husband isn’t supportive enough, or maybe you feel like your connection is fading – no longer bringing you that loving feeling that it once did.
Then, finally, you’ve got it. You realize what the problem is: it’s your husband.
You start to feel like your marriage is damaged, he’s at fault, and that must be the explanation for all the misery you’re been feeling. It all makes sense – or does it? Is your marriage really the problem? Is your husband really to blame for how you’ve been feeling?
Often times, when our lives are not where we want them to be, we need someone or something to blame. In our minds it makes sense because obviously we are not sabotaging our own happiness, right? Well, maybe we are. Maybe we should all consider that even if there are problems with our marriage, and even if we think our husband is not showing up for us in the way that he needs to, he really cannot be the one to blame for everything that is going wrong.
Taking time to reflect on what you are doing to contribute to the life you have is critical. How are things going with your job or career? Is that situation possibly frustrating you and are you coming home with that negative energy? Are their other parts of your life that leave you dissatisfied like your weight, your relationship with your parents, concerns about your children, and your overall stress level?
Of course your husband may very well be making some big mistakes and maybe he truly is contributing to the problem you are experiencing. But before pointing fingers, you really have to take a hard look at what you are doing. Examine your own attitude and behaviors. Ask yourself if you would be completely happy with every other aspect of your life if your husband did everything right starting today. My guess is that although he may be a contributor to the problem, he is not the problem.
When you get married, one of the most important things that you should always keep in mind is that your connection to your husband will never mean that you have the ability to change him. Only he can change himself. What you do have is the ability to change yourself, your perspectives and your reactions to the things that occur in your life.
I think it’s so important for us to get right with ourselves before we decide that someone else is responsible for the lack of joy in our lives. The people in our lives, even the person we said “I do” to, certainly impact how we feel. We are human. However, they do not control the amount of joy we have unless we have made the decision to relinquish that control to another human being. As women, let’s all dig deep and make sure we are clear on what the real problem in our lives is. The answer may shock us.