As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to appreciate, not just like, a well dressed man. It’s the time and attention paid to the details of his overall look, from his crown to his feet, that would make many a lady like myself wave my hands like a mother in church service. Only in my head though, because that would be weird to do it on the train at 8:19 am in the morning on the way to work.
I had one of those moments recently that helped inspired this post for the weekend. When I commute to work, I normally see all types of men and women on the train. Many are causally dressed and very few are really “office dressy.” Maybe its the train I take, or the city I’m in, but I digress. I was minding my own business when I saw a long, camel-colored coat in the corner of my eye. Something about what I saw next changed the priority of my peripheral vision.
The man had a clean shaven head, big brown eyes, and coordinated garments. I’m guessing it was a suit under the coat. He mixed his patterns well and–my goodness–a pocket square! Mind you his shoes were chestnut brown oxfords. Women can’t deny a man who’s suited and booted. I didn’t stare long enough to try to figure out anything else, except his cologne was fascinating. I just realized that at the moment when he was able to find a seat near mine, I had to pay him a compliment.
I don’t know about anyone else but I find it awkward to give a man a compliment on their style. I was in no way trying to come to him on some approach tip, I just wanted to pay the man a compliment. I went over the script in my head. My fear of rejection started to creep up though, and silence my ability to give this man a compliment, to engage in light-hearted conversation before the work day started, to speak life into him as his wardrobe spoke life into my hope for stylish men in this city.
Fear is not of God. I had to swallow it up and say what I just had to say from my heart and mind. To some of you this is really not that deep. “All you gotta say is the compliment!” Yes, but when you battle with confidence issues and introversion, it can be a challenge to talk to strangers in situations like this that seem so minor. My confidence varies, and this morning it was clearly a test. So, I got up when my stop was coming next and with the ounces of strength within me to speak up, I said “You have a nice style,” in an upbeat but not crazy-excited kind of tone. I feel that he sensed the genuine compliment and he replied thank you to me.
Those big brown eyes looked at me for a moment and then I looked down for a bit. I didn’t say it to get a compliment back. I was HAPPY when the doors finally opened after two of the fullest, longest seconds ever. I walked off the train with a smile on my face. I may have made this his day, but that small moment of victory helped make mine. It’s not always the big things that you do but the little things for people. I don’t want to hold back all of the time out of fear, but to speak life and give godly love and support to others through actions. I appreciated his fashion efforts, so I paid him the compliment. Can other women do the same for men?
Often single ladies have gotten the stigma on them that when they go out they are too afraid to approach or start conversations with men. I try to challenge myself all of the time and break out of the shell that keeps me from feeling confident. It’s all in our heads, people! Rejection is a challenge for men as it is for women.
This summer I’m encouraging the readers to challenge themselves. We can get stuck in life when we get too comfortable. Uncomfortable situations such a mine can help you break out of mediocrity and gain a positive change or experience. Ladies, it will help boost your confidence to give a man a genuine compliment. As they tell us in the safety messages on the train: “If you see something, say something.” I hope that this will help someone else get out of their uncomfortable comfort zone and say what they need to say. Don’t keep all that positivity to yourself, now!
BMWK fam, is it easy for you to compliment the opposite sex?