by Terry and Deborah Owens,
On a recent Wealthy U News One segment on News One Now with Roland S. Martin, we discussed couples and money and how to get past financial stumbling blocks and build wealth together. One of the points that Roland made that I whole heartedly agree with is that, “Some couples manage their money like they are room mates in case things don’t work out. “ If you start your marriage with that frame of mind you are dooming your relationship to failure.
When Terry and I got married and made goals for our future, we merged our finances together. There have been times in the relationship that I have earned more and conversely when Terry’s income was higher. Many of our career decisions hinged on what was best for our family in the long run. We have always had a joint checking and savings account and it is what we believed was the best approach. Little did we know that a number of couples split the bills down the middle or assigned responsibility for specific items in the budget. I can’t for the life of me figure out how this can work. What if he doesn’t earn as much but has to put in half for the bills? What happens if someone is unemployed or decides to stay home with the kids? In our opinion, money is simply a tool and should not give one partner more weight in the relationship. If you hope to honor, trust and respect one another who is the main breadwinner should not be an issue.
Unfortunately, financial distress is the number one cause of divorce and oftentimes is the result of a lack of financial clarity in the relationship.
Here’s what you can do to get on one accord with your finances.
- Implement a Process – First, agree upon a method of managing the household finances. All that matters is that both of you agree on the process. Establish joint goals so each spouse doesn’t feel the need to operate independently without purpose.
- Identify Your Values – One of the first assignments in the “Love and Money Financial Makeover Kit.” , is the “Sum of Your Values” exercise that is included in the Money Diary. What’s really important? Buying a home? Being debt free? After deciding what you both value then its time to take the next step.
- Create a Roadmap – Once you have identified your values they will become the family goals. Determine how much and how long it will take you to achieve your goals. . This will become the roadmap that you will use for your family’s financial plan.
The key to staying on track is to meet monthly to review your goals and revise them as necessary. Having a clear vision of what you want to accomplish financially as a couple can go a long way towards building trust and achieving financial harmony in your marriage. There is no “I” in ours.
Terry and Deborah Owens are a media couple who will celebrate 27 years of marriage this year. Terry is an award winning journalist and a former television anchor and Deborah is a veteran of the financial services industry and author. Terry spent over fifteen years coming into viewers homes on the ABC affiliate in Baltimore and Deborah is the author of the critically acclaimed book A Purse of Your Own published by Simon and Schuster and host of Wealthy Radio on WEAA 88.9FM on an NPR affiliate in Baltimore. This Love and Money Team are sharing how families can flourish and manage their finances in any economy.