I’ve often heard men express concerns about getting married. Feeling as though the relationship will change for the worse, following the exchange of “I do’s,” has some men putting marriage on hold.
One concern (for some men) is their woman relaxing after marriage and letting herself go. Another big concern is that maybe there won’t be as much sex after marriage. Some men even fear they won’t be able to remain faithful to their wife long term.
Believe me, each of those concerns is valid. I do wonder, however, if men ever consider that women also have fears when it comes to marriage. Those fears affect how women approach this level of commitment.
I have learned over the years that men and women really aren’t all that different when it comes to love and marriage. The desires, as well as the fears, are usually indistinguishable.
One may think because some women seem eager to get married that they’re ready to jump right in without hesitation. They, too, are nervous about all that comes with being a wife. In fact, some of our behaviors are connected to those fears.
A woman is typically concerned about whether or not her man will make a good husband. A man’s ability to remain faithful is a constant worry for a large number of future wives. Many question whether or not they’ll be able to hold their man’s interest or fulfill his sexual appetite. Simply because somehow women tend to make a man’s infidelity their own fault.
A lot of insecurities are sometimes carried into marriage, which most future wives aren’t even aware of. So the worry about him actually being a good husband is real.
Another fear for some women is whether or not she will be a good wife. Many of us don’t really understand the sacrifices of being a wife before we jump in. Because love feels so good in the beginning, we take for granted those little things we have to do to keep it in that space. Love and marriage are serious commitments, and just wanting to be a good wife isn’t enough.
Women may also fear their marriage won’t be the fairytale they thought it would. As a little girl, I knew I wanted to get married and have a family. I believed in the happily ever after and thought marriage would fix everything.
Many of us fear that there won’t be a happy ending. Some fear they will get hurt. When we think something may end poorly, we might not put enough energy or effort into making sure it does actually work (or worse, we self-sabotage).
The truth is, both men and women have fears when it comes to marriage. Our fears control our actions. Of course, marriage takes work and no one is perfect, so mistakes will be made. A healthy marriage, however, reflects the energy both partners are willing to give.
In the end, there really isn’t a need to be fearful of something we ultimately have control over. The type of marriage we have is within our control.
BMWK, what other fears do you think women have when it comes to marriage?