Are you obligated to take care of your parents or family once you become an adult? What if your parents continue to make bad financial or health decisions, do you have to step in? What if your own family is struggling because you have been putting all your effort into making sure your parents, siblings and other relatives are okay? How come you can never look to your older generation of family for help, yet you’re always the one on speed dial for them? These are real questions that many young adults deal with as they struggle with these quandaries in their family dynamics. While parents may have sacrificed to give them a better chance in life does this mean that they “owe” them?
I bring up this topic because the closer I get to having my first child, the more I think about these things. Will I be the parent who is able to offer my children continued wisdom and assistance or will I be the one who says “after all I’ve done for you, you owe me!”
I always tell my wife that the reason I go so hard is because I don’t want to ever have to put my children at an inconvenience and make them feel forced to help me. I don’t want to burden my children with my mistakes, but rather be able to set a standard for them to blaze a trail for themselves and their own families. I don’t ever want to shame, guilt or bully them into helping me by hanging “owing me” over their heads. But if the time comes, I want their assistance to be given because they want to and it’s genuine.
I also think about 3 other things; legacy, cycles, and traditions. Let’s talk about the three terms:
1) Legacy: Something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past.
The older we get the more we begin to think about what we will be remembered for and who will we be remembered as. What will my voice continue to speak to my children far after I am gone?
2) Cycle: A set of events or actions that happen again and again in the same order: a repeating series of events or actions.
So many families get stuck in cycles because no one wants to be bold enough to break them. Sometimes it’s limited exposure and sometimes it’s contentment. But I challenge you that if you see a negative cycle, do whatever it takes to break it!
3) Traditions: A way of thinking, behaving, or doing something that has been used by people in a particular group, family, society, etc., for a long time.
I want to be very intentional about establishing positive and fun traditions that live beyond the moment. I want to establish solid expectations and mindsets, and cool holiday and birthday traditions (I DO have a fun side ya know. I’m not always just business.)
Invest in yourself so that you can invest in your children so that they can invest in theirs!
There are so many things I think about. And I know we could all benefit from thinking more with the end in mind than just the moment.
BMWK – What are you doing today to build your legacy, break any unhealthy cycles, or establish worthwhile traditions?