You’ve just spent the evening watching your companions gobble down steak and red wine, while all you’ve eaten is a salad and some lemonade. Of course, when the bill arrives they suggest splitting it evenly.
Do you?
A) Go along, telling yourself never again will you spend another evening with these people.
B) Pretend like you didn’t hear their nonsense and ask the waiter to bring separate checks.
C) Ask them what they’ve been smoking and insist everyone pay for what they ate.
E) Take out your smart phone restaurant bill app and begin calculating each person’s share of the bill.
We’ve all been caught off guard by awkward money situations. You’re asked to pitch in for a baby shower gift for a pregnant co-worker, although no such effort was taken on your behalf when you were pregnant. A neighbor casually asks you how much money you make. Your friend, who borrowed $100 dollars from you last month, shows up sporting a new Fendi handbag.
Do we go with the flow, or risk making a scene, potentially stepping on toes and causing embarrassment in the process? The answers are as varied as the situations.
In a Kiplinger’s article, Daniel Post Senning, of the Emily Post Institute, claims that it’s perfectly appropriate to ask your waiter for separate checks before the meal. “In fact, your fellow diners may appreciate the move: They can order as much as they want without feeling as though they’re imposing on you.”
Others suggest that if the financial loss is small, pay it and consider it a lesson learned. If you pay more than your fair share of a dining tab, then you’ve learned never to share dinner with this group of people again.
Likewise, if you lend a friend a small sum of money but they never pay you back, it may be better not to make a fuss. Just chalk it up to learning a lesson. As Jodi R.R. Smith of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, in an article for Real Simple advises, “Forget about it and don’t hold a grudge, but be cautious about covering your friend again.”
But what happens if a friend or family member asks you for a significant loan? Many financial experts suggest you politely decline. “Thanksgiving dinner tastes 100% better when friends and relatives don’t owe each other money,” is the common response. Yet, even here, opinions vary.
Consider offering something else instead of cash. You could watch the kids of an unemployed relative while they search for a job or offer to provide them with a job reference.
Alternatively, treat the loan as a business deal. Write up a contract with the loan amount, interest rate, and payment due dates. Websites like LendingKarma make it even easier. They actually formalize the loan agreement, calculate payments, track and record payments, and send out friendly reminders to borrowers.
And when it comes to other delicate money matters, remember it’s alright to say “no,” although doing it in a subtle matter may be the key to preventing an awkward moment.
If a co-worker asks you to donate to their charity, for instance, comment on how thoughtful they are for supporting the charity but tell them you politely decline to donate at this time.
Awkward money situations will creep up on us all. Dealing with them with tact and sensitivity can go a long way from turning a potentially ugly situation into a minor road bump.
BMWK, how do you deal with splitting the bill at meals? Do you lend money to friends or family? What’s the most awkward money situation you’ve found yourself in?