Sometime when I was around 25, I went on vacation with my parents. There was another family in town, friends of my parents who I have known my entire life. Their son had recently gotten married and his father wanted to know when I would be getting married, and have children too. I guess getting to the altar is a competitive sport. That, or the sheep-logic was that since his son had done it, I should therefore do it, too?
Anyway, I wasn’t dating anyone I was serious about and not in a relationship, nor at the time did I want to be. I was in “me” phase. Thinking of marriage without a marriageable man in tow was a bit of putting the cart before the horse, wasn’t it? And why was he asking anyway? “When are you getting married?” is a legitimate question when you are engaged. At any other time, it’s just awkward and rude, but maybe that’s the point.
The decision to remain childless
But since he had asked about marriage and kids (where I’m from, always in that order) in a room full of people and they were all looking at me for an answer, I started with a reply to the latter part of the question, the one about kids.
“Oh, I don’t want to have kids.” And even if I did, I had no husband, and I would need one of those to even consider the possibility.
He sputtered. His wife looked taken aback. Their son looked like his mom, and his wife kept a poker face. My father sipped his drink. My mother apologized for me. “Oh, I’m sure she’ll change her mind,” she said to the room.
Clearly, I’d given the “wrong” answer, but as it turns out, a lot of women are giving a version of that answer these days. A recent issue of Time magazine investigates this in its cover story, The Childfree Life: When having it all means not having children. This article reports on the decreasing birthrate in the U.S., currently “the lowest in recorded American history.” The story quotes a 2010 Pew Research report that revealed, across all racial and ethnic groups, women are opting out of having children.
Click here to read the full article by Demetria L. Lucas on TheGrio.com
BMWK – if you do not want to have children, have you received any push back from your friends or family?