By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
Like many working mothers, after the 9-to-5 I am pretty much wiped out. Unfortunately (because there never appears to be a break) and fortunately (because children are God’s gift to us), our second job begins. Although there isn’t normally much energy left over, we still have to produce because that second job is the most important. We fail if we half do it.
As a parent, the vision for my children’s future involves so many plans, hopes and dreams. I desire for them to have a personal relationship with God, be happy, successful, confident and surrounded by people who want the best for them. What I learned this week is that my actions were not in alignment with those desires. BMWK, it is hard to admit, but I was guilty of some lazy parenting.
Lazy parenting is basically doing just enough to get by, yet not doing all that can be done in order to truly benefit the child. I was strong in certain areas while lacking in others. The realization of my lazy parenting was revealed as I helped my child with homework one night. Whenever I have multiple tasks to complete I always try to combine a couple in order to save time. So, in addition to helping with homework I am usually also writing, creating or planning. Which, as you may have guessed, doesn’t offer my children my undivided attention. Recently as I glanced back and forth between her homework and my projects, I decided to send her to her dad for assistance. Her mood immediately changed. She pouted and explained she didn’t want daddy to help her because he made her work harder. My shame and disappointment were instant.
In that moment I realized my multi-tasking was doing more harm than good and if my children felt as though they could just get by with me, I was doing something terribly wrong.
How could I think my children would have these great futures if I wasn’t assisting them and fully equipping them with the tools they needed? I have to actively participate, be fully present and contribute to their success. Parenting cannot be half done. In order for my children to have a personal relationship with God, my own has to be clearly visible. If I want them to be happy, I have to mirror happiness for them. They also need to know that success comes as a result of hard work, dedication and commitment. As their mom, it is a must that I always display my commitment to them; they have to feel they are fully supported. I have to constantly use words of encouragement to build their confidence. If my children are to surround themselves with people who want the best for them, I have to always be one of those people.
I decided this week that along with my husband, I want to also be the parent that makes my children work harder. I will no longer half-step with my parenting. Today, I proudly declare, “NO MORE LAZY PARENTING.”
BMWK, have you ever been guilty of lazy parenting? If so, what were the changes you had to make?
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. Tiya recently created and launched (Tuesdays with Tiya) Life Editing Radio show on blogtalkradio.com. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.