One of my fav lines from New Jack City is when Nino is telling Frankie “no renegotiation.” I never knew why out of all the great quotes in that movie, that one stuck with me all of these years. But I’m realizing this quote is how most folk feel in their marriages.
When we get married to someone, we want that person to stay the exact same way they were when we married them. We don’t care how much time goes by or how many kids we have now or how our situation may have changed, we want and need you to stay the same. One of the things that I’ve realized about marriage is that it’s a constant renegotiation. Nothing is going to stay the same and a lot of people have problems dealing with change in their own life, let alone someone else’s life.
We have to realize that the more time we’re blessed to be married to someone, the more our spouses will change. It’s simply a part of life. And all change doesn’t have to be bad. Both people should want to grow but sometimes the more we grow individually, we end up growing apart as a couple and that’s where the negotiating process comes into play.
Marriage is all about commitment. Committed to God, your spouse and your family and the same way we don’t abandon our children because they’re changing and growing (as frustrating as those changes can be) you shouldn’t abandon your spouse. But people do that every day with their marriages. We have to learn to communicate with our spouses about when and how we’re growing and changing and how your spouse can continue to grow with you. But that can only happen if you’re truly honest with yourselves and your spouse.
I’ve been asked a million times, “how do you negotiate in your marriage”? And the answer is simple, the same way you would negotiate a business deal, except with your marriage, you don’t walk away from the negotiating table. You come with your concerns and requests (not your demands and ultimatums) and you and your spouse talk about how you two can continue to grow together. Not an easy task by any means, but then again, what in life is? So if you truly love God, your spouse and your family and you’re truly committed to them, don’t be on your Nino Brown jawn.