by Michelle G Cameron
Everyone has experienced loss in one form or another. Whether it has been the loss of a loved one through death or estrangement, divorce, friendships, the loss of personal belongings, or in today’s economy the loss of a job, a home or a car, we can all learn how to overcome.
I lost my mother to cancer two days before my 17th birthday. My marriage failed after 9.5 years and as a result I lost my house, a significant amount of money and my beautiful truck. It took quite some time for me to recover from all these instances. Here are the steps I took to overcome them.
I faced the loss. This is probably the HARDEST step to take. When a loss first occurs, we go through several stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, bitterness, disappointment, resignation and acceptance. Sometimes we may experience the entire range of these emotions simultaneously. Regardless of what (or whom) we lost, we must remind ourselves that it is perfectly normal to grieve that loss.
I accepted that my life would never be the same again. Here is another difficult step to face. Sometimes the life-changes are immediate. I remember coming home from high school and having to remind myself that I would never see my mother at home again. When my marriage failed, I had to remember to drive to a different address from the one I was used to going. Some of these life alterations are real and may even interrupt our daily routines. Be willing to embrace the changes.
I did not rush through the processes of grieving and accepting loss. We live in a society where there is always time for entertainment and laughter and very little space or allowance for recovery from pain and loss. When we bury a loved one or go through a divorce, somehow we are expected to “suck it up” and move on almost immediately. This is impossible to do. Moving on is harder when you were tightly connected to that loved one or to that precious possession. Understand this reality and make room for the process of letting go.
I tried to see the good in my difficult experiences. Pulling good lessons out of bad experiences is tough to do and may take years to develop. Now I can see that my strength and determination were birthed from my losses over the years. It’s also good to know that I can be content without becoming heavily dependent on others or on material possessions. Most of all, experiencing loss helped me develop a deeper and more meaningful relationship with Jesus Christ.
I reached out to others. When I felt depressed for an extended period during my separation and divorce, I sought professional counseling to help me sort out my emotions and make practical and rational decisions. Those 1.5 years contained some of the most fruitful moments as I saw myself transform from a broken, emotionally distraught person to one who was calmer and more self-confident – and one who trusted God MORE.
I began to heal. Healing is an important part of recovering from loss. When we are hurt physically, we may show scars after the hurt is healed. Emotionally our scars may still remain, but not to condemn us. The scars instead should be visible reminders to us that we are STILL HERE! We made it! We survived the loss, and now we will begin to thrive!
I began to thrive again. Healing is a wonderful thing, especially for the mind and emotions. I am able to laugh freely and my thoughts are no longer consumed with the mistakes and losses of my past. I am also thankful for another home and a reliable car. As I share my life-story at various events, I stand before audiences as a woman who was once hurt, distraught and depressed. Now I am FREE!
BMWK – What steps have you taken to heal after a major loss?
Michelle Cameron is an avid writer since the age of 15 with recent features on The Virtuous Diva, the Chat Kafe Blog and Chronicles of a Future Wife, and released her first book, “It’s My Life and I Live Here: One Woman’s Story” in 2011. Michelle is honing the art of public speaking to inspire and uplift women with her testimony. Michelle currently resides in New Jersey and is the mother of one son. Connect with Michelle’s blog at “Life, Love and Other Topics: My Commentary”.