Along with being a relationship coach, I am an avid golfer among other things. If you know anyone who is dedicated to the game of golf, you know that we take the game seriously. We are deliberate about everything, from what kind of clubs we use (brand, loft, shaft, etc.) to what types of golf ball we put into play. Golf is such a meticulous sport, there is a science to every part of the game. For example, if you hold the club too tight as you swing, you will shorten the distance of your shot. If you are trying to hit the ball farther, you want to slow your swing down and be more consistent. Understanding the science of the game is the only way you can play the game effectively. Men, I believe you must understand the science of what you want out of your relationships to be effective as well.
Consistency is Always Key
Every golfer wants to be able to hit the ball 300+ yards. The trade-off is that when many of us try to hit the ball farther than our competitors, we hit it far left or right of the fairway. There are times we do the same thing in relationships. There are guys chasing their idea of the perfect woman. She has an incredible physique, former pageant winner, has a MBA, doesn’t have any kids, cooks for you every night and asks you about your day when you get home. That woman may exist, but you’re looking for the longest drive here and you will likely wind up playing out of the rough—not the fairway! The woman who is really there for you is the consistent woman that has your back. The woman who picks you up when the world is beating you down. You want the woman who makes you laugh, cries with you, and is there for you when it seems like no one else is there. You need the consistent woman in your life. The consistent woman will be just as attractive, but she’s so much more than attractive, she’s truly your better half.
Your Equipment Must be Custom-Fitted
Golf is different than most sports in the fact that your clubs need to be fitted to match your swing and body type. Some golfers need longer clubs, some need shorter clubs, some need higher lofted clubs, some players need less loft. A very good golfer recently told me he has played the same set of clubs since 1991. The fact is, his clubs fit him perfectly. Men must have that mentality with the women they select. We don’t need to look for the perfect woman—she’s not out there. What we have to look for is the perfect woman for us! No matter how beautiful a woman might be or how much money she makes, if she doesn’t fit who you are, it won’t work. Chemistry is important, but compatibility trumps chemistry when we are building real relationships. Look for a woman who fits in your plans. She can see your vision. She is a part of your plans and she’s custom-fitted for your game (so to speak).
Drive for Show, Putt for Dough
All golfers have heard the phrase “drive for show, putt for dough.” It means we all want to tee off as long and as straight as possible, but the way you win tournaments is by making the clutch putts on the greens. We should desire women who show up in the clutch as well. It’s good to have someone around when the bills are paid, you can travel and buy her nice things. You also need someone there during sickness, being poorer and simply coming through in the clutch. As a coach, I’m familiar with women (and men) that are great partners when everything is good, but when times get tough, they find a way out. Look for women who are all-in when times are toughest and you will appreciate them a lot more than someone who shows their true colors at the worst times.
Consistent, Custom-fitted and being a clutch is the way to win at golf and finding a great mate who will have your back when times are toughest.