Between the swollen feet, extra 60 pounds of mostly stomach, morning sickness, hormones, and the baby sitting on her bladder I started to feel really sorry for my wife as she was going through her pregnancy.
Now between the sore breasts from breast feeding, having to pump every 2.5 seconds, still being sore from delivery, the baby crying, and changing 100 diapers a day, I’m like WHOA! I say that not because it’s overwhelming but because through all of that my wife still looks at our little girl with a joy in her eyes I’ve never seen.
It got me to thinking about how much women and wives sacrifice to bring life into the world, but it also got me to thinking about how as a man I couldn’t imagine putting her through all of this alone.
While much of the “nurturing” is on her, men have to understand that we play such a huge role.
I believe sometimes as men we get lost in the shuffle and because of that we don’t see our value, or maybe it’s just not put on display enough.
Often times, it seems like the only time you hear about men’s importance in fathering is when it’s in a negative light because they are being perceived as “absent.” Well I’m no expert on parenting, but men here are a few ways you are more valuable than you know!
1) You help keep mama sane and rested!
Your wife or the mother of your child is good enough to push through tiredness, but she is so much better for the household, the baby, and herself when she is rested. You helping take that shift during the night or giving her time to rejuvenate herself is key!
2) You make that little one feel secure from the beginning!
From day one until forever, the safest place that baby will feel is on your chest or in your arms. For me, when my daughter lays on my chest, I feel like Superman immediately!
3) You keep mama from overextending herself
Your wife will think she is superwoman, but sometimes you have to remind her that she can’t do it alone and shouldn’t have to. Sometimes you also have to be the voice of reason when she is trying to save the world when she should be resting.
Related: 8 ways to battle new mom anxiety
I know only a few days after birth my wife thought she was going to make a road trip and then go grocery shopping and everything else until I quickly had to shut it down and send her back to her bed!
4) You provide balance in the household
Men provide balance in a household and with children. I don’t know about you, but I know it was just something about the base in my father’s voice in the house that instantly increased the level of seriousness and authority. Men also provide that strength while mom is providing that nurturing.
5) You provide the reassurance mama and the child needs
Both your wife and your child yearn for the reassurance of her husband and their dad. Your wife still wants to know that she is desirable and beautiful in your eyes and that she is a great mom. Your child wants to make dad proud and needs to know you will be there to instill confidence in him or her.
Ladies here is one thing to understand: you can’t complain about him being absent if you make it hard for him to be present. Go to the next page for a few ways you can help him feel included!
1) Include him on decisions you make with the children
You can’t make all of the decisions about the children in a bubble. Yeah I know sometimes he doesn’t have much input but just including him in the family decisions are important even if he says “that sounds great to me babe!”
2) Stop criticizing every move he makes
Moms, Just as you have to figure out this parenting thing, so does he. Criticizing his every move is not only counterproductive, it hurts. If the child isn’t being harmed, then sometimes just let it go! Yeah maybe he didn’t prepare the bottle the way that you did but as long as the baby was able to eat then it’s all good! Choose your battles!
3) Give him jobs to do and establish roles
Sometimes as men we get lost in the parenting shuffle and so sometimes what you view as him not helping is really just him waiting on some instruction from you.
Some things that just seem to come natural to women don’t always work that way for us. Many times it’s not that we aren’t willing we are just a little insecure about what to do and how to do it.
4) Show appreciation and say thank you
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again….men value your appreciation in all aspects. Some might say “well why should I have to stroke his ego or appreciate what he is supposed to do.”
I say the same reason you appreciate it when he shows appreciation for you. It doesn’t hurt you to show appreciation but it means the world to him.
5) Be generous with praise in public to help change the narrative
When you’re in public and in front of friends be sure to let them know how good of a job and how involved your husband has been as a father. Not only does your husband need to hear it but other fathers need to hear it as well so that the narrative about fathers begins to change. Be just as gracious with praise as you are with criticism.
Hey I’m very much so a rookie at this parenting thing and I hope to continue to get better at it daily. I want the fathers to know that we play a bigger role than we even know and ladies the more you involve us the better we will get!
BMWK Fam what are some other ways that dad can continue to get involved in the parenting process?