When my wife and I learned she was pregnant with our first child, the timing wasn’t the best. Her and I were separated at the time, and each of us had much soul searching ahead of us to decide if our futures were going to be spent together or not.
A baby wasn’t in the plans. We were terrified.
Did this mean we were introducing a child into a broken home? Should we stay together for the sake of the new life we created? Is parenthood the right path for us? What did we really want out of future? The questions and the long nights seemed neverending.
Today, our little package of instant TurnUp has been introducing the world to his brand of life philosophy for over three years, and my wife and I are contemplating introducing a whole new life to this world
In short, our acceptance of our shared responsibility made us better parents and better spouses to one another. Here’s how:
1) I learned the power of consistent communication
Kids only hear what they want to hear. They’re also taking in so much information at all times that in order to cut through the clutter to make your voice heard, you need to have a consistent message told repeatedly. The repetition solidifies your intent and sets expectations.
As spouses, how many times do we say something one time and expect a lifetime of behavior around that one statement? Parenthood made me realize how much information we’re all sorting through, and how it’s up to each one of us to reinforce the messages that mean the most to us through a consistent and clear message to our loved ones.
2) Patience
If your kids don’t constantly teach you about the importance of patience, you might be doing parenthood wrong. People have a tendency to have higher expectations of those closest to us. Sometimes these higher expectations lead to shorter fuses when expectations are not met to our satisfaction.
We all react to unmet expectations differently, but almost all of us could stand to benefit by sprinkling in a little more patience into our response to others – and especially to loved ones. My son has shown me a world of difference when I give him a little more patience. My marriage deserves the same effort.
3) Redefining my definition of family
Up until the addition of my son into our family, I think there was some part of me that always viewed my marriage as an option. Even after years together, being a child of multiple divorces taught me that a person can always move on at some point. After having a living breathing smaller version of myself run around giving out hugs, smiles, laughs and temper tantrums, it’s almost impossible for me to imagine a world in which his mother and father aren’t around for him under the same roof.
My son was born in Houston, but we’ve since moved into a new home in Austin, TX. Every now and then my son still asks, “We’re going home, Daddy?” even when we’re in our new house. I have to remind him that he is home, and “Home is wherever you, me and mommy are at.” Family is more than blood now. The family is home.
4) Being a better role model
People don’t interpret your intent – they interpret your actions. Your kids see all of your actions, and many actions you don’t show. Spouses are the same. There’s almost no one on the planet who is a better witness to your everyday life and how you react to that life than your spouse. They have front row seats to the reality show of your life.
And as a spouse or a parent, the only real way to influence those who are so close to you is by being the best example of what you want to have around you. Kindness, understanding, mercy, affection, acceptance, and honesty all have to be exhibited before they can be followed.
5) Envision a family goal
Most couples get together because they feel some type of way. Emotions and such. It’s how courting in this country works. However emotions can’t carry us through mortgages, tough job markets, and overdue college debt. Having kids can make a person align our goals with the best interests of our kids, thus making your marriage more about a meaning partnership based on family goals rather than having someone around who you expect to simply give you good feelings on a regular basis. And that’s the true step into mature waters – the acknowledgement that maybe you’re here to serve something else other than yourself. And the chance to be of service to another is a blessing.
BMWK, Has being a parent changed your outlook on life? If so, how?