As moms and wives we often say that we give our family everything we’ve got. Giving of ourselves until we are depleted is often talked about like some badge of honor women should wear. But is living like this really what’s best for our families—or ourselves? Are we truly there for them in the way they deserve?
The Problem With Giving Your All
Like many women out there, I have found myself feeling depleted and defeated, wondering if I can possibly give anymore but still feeling like I am coming up short. It’s an exhausting and discouraging existence. Caring for my kids, husband, and my aging mother sometimes made me feel like I was drowning.
That all changed when I started to realize the problem with my thought process. I was dead set on giving them my all. In my mind, there really was no other way. Then one day I realized that they didn’t ask for my all and they surely didn’t need my all. What they needed was my best.
When you fail to make self-care your priority and you just keep giving the people you love every ounce of yourself, you end up being a beat up old car preparing to breakdown on the side of the road. Sure, you put your fair share of miles in, but if you would have paid attention to maintenance, that car would be in a lot better condition and wouldn’t end up leaving you and your loved ones stranded.
The Shift Towards Giving Your Best
So what does it really mean to stop giving your all and start giving your best? It means acknowledging when your tank is almost empty and you are unable to give anything of quality. It requires stepping back and realizing that you are really too drained and too tired give what you’d like.
Truthfully, no one in your life wants the cranky, stressed out, overwhelmed version of you. They’d rather suffer than deal with that lady. And you don’t really want to keep dishing out that version of yourself either. They deserve better, and most importantly, you do.
The journey toward self-care after allowing neglect to set in—well, it can be a tough journey. When you give and give until you have nothing left, the idea of finding the time to give to yourself feels impossible. What I have realized, however, is that self-care cannot be negotiable. It cannot be something you find time for. It must be something you make time for.
How Your Life Changes When You Give Your Best
As you run yourself ragged, trying to meet everyone’s needs, something damaging happens. The people you love start to experience a version of you that isn’t consistent with who you really are. And what’s even more damaging is how that version begins to feel like the norm to them. They start to expect the cranky, moody, tired lady to show up because, frankly, that’s who’s been showing up for a while.
But when you make that shift, and you intentionally start to make yourself the priority, something incredible happens. You slowly begin to find joy again. The type of joy you cannot feign. The type of joy that comes from truly recognizing and appreciating the fact that YOU deserve to be happy and healthy—you deserve to love your life.
And when that version of you shows up—the version that takes care of herself—things in your life shift. You start to have more energy to give to the people you love. You start to embrace the power found in asking for help. You start to appreciate the strength in saying no, and you start to feel like you will never give your all again, because giving your best is a whole lot sweeter.
BMWK family, are you giving you family your all or your best?