Death is one of those subjects we just don’t talk about a lot. I don’t know about you, but it doesn’t come up often at my dinner table. However, it’s still something that we have to face and more often than we would like. The death of a grandparent or great grandparent (as in my case) is not easy and explaining it to a little person adds to the challenge.
“Granddaddy, you need something? You need me or you need Ya-Ya?” This is how baby girl entered the house each day. My 3-year-old granddaughter loves taking care of my dad. She calls him Granddaddy even though he is her great-grandfather. Granddaddy is bed ridden, an amputee and needs lots of help. At 3 years old and armed with a Doc McStuffin medical kit, she loves taking care of her granddaddy. She gets in his bed and checks his heart and wipes his face. The nurse that comes to the house each week even taught her how to check his pulse. She entertains him with dancing and singing and sharing Bible verses. The 77-year-old and the 3-year-old are quite good buddies.
February 24, 2016, granddaddy died. No more checking his pulse. His pulse has stopped. Now how do we tell his 3-year-old great-grand baby?
This is what we did. We are not clinicians, and it may not be perfect, but it worked for us. If ever faced with this type of situation, we hope this guidance may also help you.
- Decide who is best suited to tell the child.
In our case, it was her mommy. Mommy had the right touch to deliver the news. Not that dads are incapable, but mommy was better suited in this instance. - Wait until you are calm and can explain to your child without breaking down yourself.
You might cry when sharing the news, but be able to maintain some emotional control for your child’s sake. - Tell your child in private, not in front of a bunch of family and friends.
You don’t know how your baby may react. Give your baby the privacy to react freely. - Use words that are age-appropriate as you talk and ask for your child’s feedback.
Ask things like: “how does this make you feel,” “do you have any questions,” or “what do you think about that?” - Tell your child only what they need to know.
Too much information can be overwhelming. Children are generally satisfied with basic information given in small pieces. You know your child best, give them what you believe they can handle. - Explain that the person has transitioned.
Use the explanation that fits your family’s belief system. We told our 3-year-old granddaughter that her “granddaddy” went to live with Jesus in heaven. - Be prepared to answer questions in the days and weeks to come.
Don’t be surprised by the little things your child may say at what seems to be the oddest times.
My granddaughter and I recite the scripture John chapter 1, verse 1 “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God.” Now each time we get to “and the word was with God” she stops and whispers, “Granddaddy is with God too.” Then, she continues on with her verse. It makes me smile every time, and it lets me know in her own way, she gets it.
Your child may have a challenging grieving process or they may bounce back rather quickly. Each case will be different. My 3-year-old grandbaby pouted for a little while. She would fold her arms and huff when she looked at granddaddy’s bed and he wasn’t there. She remembers her great grandfather very well and she understands he’s with God now.
Save this article or print it out, so that when faced with this type of challenge, you will have a reference.
BMWK, Have you had to explain death to your child? What worked for you?