I have to admit, I am a little envious of couples who live in towns where they are surrounded by family. And not just any family members, but family members who are actually willing to help out by watching their kids. It’s definitely a blessing.
I love where I live. My neighbors are friendly, my kids are happy, and life is pretty good. But, we don’t have much family near by. My mom is close but she has multiple health issues, so watching my kids is no longer a possibility for her.
I also have a cousin who lives near by, but near by is about 40 minutes away and she is actually having her own child soon. She’s helped out over the years, but she has her own life and I try to limit how often I ask her to help.
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I have a few very close friends that live in the area, but they all have busy careers, their own children, and plenty to juggle. Asking them to watch my kids just feels like asking for A LOT.
I know many families who share our struggles.
We try to juggle all our day-to-day responsibilities without much help from the outside world, and although we tend to get things done, some weeks are downright brutal.
So what’s the big deal about having help with your kids? How does it impact the quality of your marriage? The big deal is your ability to spend time with your spouse alone—sans the little ones.
Although taking care of your own kids all the time seems like the right thing to do, taking a break away from them from time to time is even better. Without that alone time to connect with your spouse, your marriage starts to revolve around your kids. And while parenting may feel like your most important responsibility, connecting with your spouse needs to be up there, too.
So without family or friends who can help, what can you really do to spend time alone with your spouse? A babysitter.
Yep, a babysitter may be your key to a happy marriage. And even if you have trust issues and don’t care much for the whole babysitter thing, please hear me out.
We recently found a new babysitter for our kids and it’s turning out to be a wonderful thing for our marriage. We grew to accept the realities that come with living far away from family. The constant juggle became our norm.
We missed out on opportunities sometimes, but we figured we couldn’t do too much about it since we are not that trusting and leaving our kids with anyone who wasn’t family (or pretty darn close to it) just never felt like an option for us.
But we ended up forming a relationship with someone who once worked with our daughter in a different setting. Overtime, we grew to trust her and we realized that both of our children liked her a lot. We also realized that her values were in alignment with our own. My husband and I both felt like it was worth a shot.
Related: 5 Secrets to juggling marriage and parenting
I’m so glad we took that shot. I’m so glad we realized that taking the time to trust someone and let them into our circle would ultimately be good for our entire family.
My husband and I now date regularly. Our kids look forward to seeing their babysitter every few weeks. And I have to say that the longer we know her, the more we feel like she will be in our lives for a long time. She has earned our trust and appreciation.
Being married and raising kids can be tough. Although it may seem honorable to do your best to raise your kids without relying much on others, please know that depending on other people doesn’t say anything negatively about you as a parent.
Furthermore, strengthening your marriage is a great thing for your entire family. When you have the time to connect with your spouse regularly, your marriage grows and that growth helps you become better parents.
I know a great babysitter may not necessarily be on your list of people who can help you make your marriage better, but it should be. Never leave your kids with someone you don’t truly trust, but open your minds and hearts to the possibility that someone like that really does exist and finding that person can change your marriage for the better.
BMWK family, what are your thoughts on having a good babysitter and how it helps your family?