“The worst lies are the ones that we tell to ourselves.” Sometimes it’s those same lies that stop us from loving our mates better. That’s the concept I wrote about to the men last week in my article. Well, men aren’t the only ones that lie to themselves in relationships. Let’s talk about some lies the ladies tell themselves that may be stopping them from loving their men better.
1) “Serving Him Makes Me Weak”
So let me get this straight, most people agree that God created woman to be a man’s helpmate, yet I hear so many women who view helping their man as a sign of weakness!
Cook him a meal and fix his plate? Well he has two hands just like me.
Wash his clothes? Didn’t his mother teach him how to wash his own clothes?!
Okay before this turns into a gender role conversation, I want to say that that’s not what this is about. This is a mindset conversation and sometimes many women tell themselves that if they serve their man, it shows a sign of weakness. When you tell yourself this, it subconsciously creates a defensive attitude and sometimes that attitude becomes an unnecessary power struggle. You see the truth is that serving your mate doesn’t make you weak, it makes you caring. Also, “serving” isn’t to be thought of simply in the domestic role. Serving/catering is something that women can do for their men, just as it is something that men can do for their women. If you wouldn’t get offended at the idea of your man serving you or think that he wouldn’t be “weak” for it, then you shouldn’t think of yourself in that light either.
2) “I’m Just Not In The Mood”
Ladies, you can’t “not be in the mood” 90% of the time and expect your man to not feel some kind of way about that. Mood starts in the mind and many times ladies tell themselves they aren’t in the mood so that they feel justified in turning down his sexual advances. Oh and save the “well if he did this then I would do that” argument because there are many men who do all of “this” and most of “that” and their wives are still never in the mood.
Ladies if you tell yourselves sex isn’t that important and that if you’re not in the mood for sex or intimacy, then your mind will take over your body. Sometimes marriage is about putting forth effort to please your mate, even if you don’t particularly feel like it. And when it comes to intimacy between a married couple, once you put the effort in to do it and enjoy it, you BOTH will be happy about it!
3) I Don’t Have To Appreciate What He’s “Supposed To Do!”
Maybe it’s how your mom used to treat your dad, or maybe it’s the mindset of your girlfriends rubbing off on you, but this lie about not having to appreciate what your man is “supposed to do” is causing problems in many marriages. A fundamental need of a man is to feel respected and appreciated.
So YES, there are some things that he is supposed to do out of duty and responsibility, but it takes nothing to say thank you or to appreciate some of those things. If you keep telling yourself that those “thank yous” and “I appreciate yous” don’t matter and aren’t needed you should reconsider. If you don’t believe me…ask yourself how YOU feel when you work a full time job, take care of a household and do things for family and friends that may be your obligations, but no one ever takes the time to acknowledge those efforts or congratulate you on a job well done. Yeah, that would suck wouldn’t it?
The truth of the matter is that many times the things we tell ourselves about ourselves and our relationships are self-serving when marriage is truly about serving someone else. In order to love each other better, we must be willing to meet the needs of our mates and sometimes that starts with being honest with ourselves about the things our mates need and making them important to us as well.
BMWK fam, what are some other misconceptions that women may have in regards to the needs of their husbands?