He is known as the real life, Modern Day Hitch. In 2009, One Degree From Me was born, a premiere matchmaking and lifestyle coaching service for sophisticated, educated and cultured singles. While running a summer camp for his non-profit in 2008, Paul discovered that out of 100 students, not one was living in a two-parent household. So he and his college sweetheart set out on a mission to do something about it, and that is how the Matchmaker came to be about. Oprah Winfrey notes that, “Paul is much more than a matchmaker, he’s a life coach.” He has appeared on two shows on the Oprah Winfrey Network: Lovetown, USA and SoulPancake. There is a whole lot more to his bio than could fit in one blog post, so you can read more here.
We got to chat with this power couple in a more personal setting that most don’t get to see. This beautiful and fun-loving pair recently celebrated twelve years of marriage, and have a three-year-old son named Kingston. We also received some BMWK breaking news, so be sure to keep reading to find out.
BMWK: So excited to be chatting with the Matchmaker and his Match! How and where did the two of you meett?
Jill: Paul do you want to start and I’ll fill in anything that’s incorrect? [laughs]
One of my first thoughts was, ‘Yup I’m going to make this my mission that to make this woman, I mean girl, (she was a girl at that time), into my girlfriend.’ So what’s interesting about the cohort is that we had to take our tests together, get feedback after the test, then we had to empty out into this evening orientation. And I thought not only did she look great, she scored the highest on this test that we took. And I’m thinking, ‘Oh man, she’s smart too. This is perfect!” So I started plotting that evening to make sure I made my move that night cause you know, I can’t wait around [laughs].
But then we reconnected when school started later in the year, and became really good friends. Turns out one of my friends was trying to date her, and she was trying to set me up with one of her friends. So we were trying to matchmake our friends and ended up matchmaking ourselves. Did I say it right Jill? [laughs]
BMWK: [laughs] I love it.
Jill: Yeah, yeah. I think that was all pretty accurate. You did a good job. That was a good test for him also [laugh]
BMWK: So what happened with the people you were trying to matchmake with each other? Did anything ever happen with that?
Jill: No I think the one that I was trying to matchmake Paul with, he was not interested in her, and I wasn’t interested with the guy he was trying to matchmake with me either. But I think the story is a little longer because as the freshman year began, it turns out Paul and I were in the same dorm. There was another guy who was a friend of Paul’s that I kinda liked but Paul had some special tricks up his sleeve, where he intervened and we ended up getting together anyway [laughter].
BMWK: Special tricks huh? [laughs]
Jill: Yeah [laughs].
BMWK: That’s funny. So what point did you guys start officially dating? Was that during college?
Jill: It all started really quickly. I remember our first date was September 12th our Freshman year, and we pretty much dated exclusively from then on.
BMWK: I absolutely love it. So what would you say was your favorite wedding day memory?
Jill: Oh my goodness, there were lots. My absolute favorite part on the sentimental side of me was being walked down the aisle with my dad who passed away a few years ago, and seeing Paul at the end of the aisle, and he was tearing up. It was just emotional. It was the most amazing part of the wedding to me.
I love weddings and I love going to weddings, but my favorite part is always the ceremony. Even
BMWK: [laughs] What song was it?
Jill: It was Love and Happiness by Al Green.
Paul: [laughs] There’s a quick story behind that song. My plan wasn’t to sing that song. The goal was to surprise everyone by hiring Al Green to sing the song. And that was the first time I learned these artists are expensive. I’ll never forget calling his booking agent. I said I wanted to hire Al Green. He asked about the venue and I told him it’s a wedding. He said, ‘A wedding? Well what’s the budget?’ I said, well one or two thousand dollars. Then he said it’s at least 25K with first class airfare, hair and make-up. I couldn’t believe it. But I had this vision of Al Green performing at the wedding. So the next bet was to dress up as Al Green and perform instead.
BMWK: [laughs] Ah, I love it. Now, that’s love! Do you have a best memory, Paul?
Paul: Jill is going to probably laugh but at the end I was crying.
Jill: He was crying, yes.
BWMK: At the end of the reception?
Paul: Yeah [laughs]. Partly because we were all drinking a lot! We had fireworks at our wedding, which was cool. And Jill and I waited by the door while everyone was coming outside and gathered in a recession line so they could say goodbye as we walked to the car. We’re leaving, the fireworks are going off, it’s a beautiful night, you see family and friends you haven’t seen in years, and it hits me: Folks are happy. We’re adults. We’re entering this new stage in life—we’re leaving our families. It also hit me knowing people we wanted there were not there. We had a really good friend of ours who had recently passed away and we knew he would’ve been happy to be there. So all of those emotions hitting at once, not necessarily my favorite, but definitely the most memorable
Jill: [laughs] Yeah. Paul was very emotional that day. I’ve never been kissed more by Paul than in all the years we dated. He was very emotional that day. He was just a different Paul that day.
Paul: [laughs] Yeah Jill likes to look back on those pictures and laugh.
BMWK: We recently wrote an article about the fact that happy marriages still exist. What are some reasons you both have been able to maintain a happy marriage for as long as you have?
Jill: I think that we get along very well. We definitely got to know each other as friends, even though Paul had plans from the start. But I think we were genuinely friends when we first started out, and over the years we’ve learned how to really communicate and respect one other and effectively problem solve. What do you think?
Paul: As matchmakers, what’s interesting in what we do, is that we have this formula we always preach about: one part values, another part personality/compliment, the meeting of non-starters (needs versus wants), and another part being physical attraction. So many dating websites make this real complicated around how to find your best match, and ultimately, people in long successful marriages say the same thing. They want someone living by the same values as they do, they want someone who is able to communicate and as Jill said, problem-solving. They want someone that doesn’t present red flags (non-starters), and they want someone they want to be physically intimate with (the physical attraction). I believe we have those things and had them when we got together. We didn’t go seeking each other based on those things, but it turned out that we did. It just happened.
BMWK: How do you make the most of your time? How do you reconnect and keep the flame burning?
Jill: I think we have a lot of the same interests and having a three-year-old, a lot of our interests revolve around his interests. When we have time to ourselves, we’ll go to the movies, play little games, and have fun. Simple, little things we normally don’t have time for. We have favorite games we like to play together.
BMWK: What’s your idea of a fun date night?
Jill: Oh I’m easy. I go with the flow. I can have fun with most anything. Paul?
Paul: Boggle and bear. Keep it real simple. That’s really what it is. If we can drink beer and play Boggle, that would be really hot.
BMWK: [laughs] Boggle and Bear. I love the simplicity.
So switching gears a bit, how has becoming a parent made you a better wife and husband?
Jill: Well we’ve come up with some new challenges that weren’t there before. We were together a very long time before our son came along. And we just had no idea how our lives would change once he come along. It definitely changed for the better. We don’t know what we were doing before he came along and we’re thankful for all the joy that he’s brought to our lives.
We work together even more because we have the common goal of raising him. I think it enhanced our lives more than anything. The biggest challenge is time management.
We have less one-on-one time, but we enjoy spending our time as a family unit. But we don’t feel cheated by our children because we had time when it was just the two of us for so many years. And I say children because we’re expecting another little boy in November.
BMWK: YAY! Congratulations. That was going to be my next question. That’s exciting!
Jill: Thank you. And you got the scoop because we’ve been so busy that we probably still have family members to tell.
BMWK: [laughs] Just tell them to check out the post! So there you have it BMWK family: this is your breaking news, exclusive with Paul and Jill Brunson.
[all laugh]
Jill: Yeah but I think this is it. We’re done at this point now.
BMWK: Yes little ones change things.
So, what would you say what’s the biggest challenge you’ve faced and overcome in your marriage?
Paul: I don’t know that we’ve had a big challenge, but maybe something viewed as a challenge is us working full-time together. I think a lot of people would look at that and think there’s tension but it’s rather easy. Something also interesting is that it’s done the opposite, and has done more good than harm because we have another thing we connect on.
Jill: Also, it allows us to spend time together where we’d otherwise be unable to. Paul travels a lot so when he is around, we get to have lunch dates. If we didn’t work together, chances are that may not happen as often. I think it’s helped us stay close.
BMWK: That’s great!
So what’s some marriage advice that you’ve been given and implemented?
Paul: This is more of a funny story. I interviewed a couple in their sixties, and the man lost his memory when he was younger, but the advice he gave me (off camera) is to ask your wife, “What can I do for you today?” and then do it. It was so profound. I tweeted, wrote articles about it. It was just amazing. And the reason I say it’s funny is because I sent Jill a text the next morning since I was in California, asking that question, and she’s like, ‘What’s wrong? Are you ok?’ Are you dying? What is going on here?’
[all laugh]
BMWK: I don’t know, I probably would’ve asked the same question of my husband.
Paul: And then I said it again for the next four or five days and she kept saying she didn’t want anything. But I kept asking. Then there was a good two weeks, when she told me what she wanted, and I would do it.
But after that, she started asking for some outrageous stuff. So I stopped doing it. That was the end of that. It lasted a couple of weeks.
Jill: Yeah it was very short lived.
[all laugh]
BMWK: That is hilarious but I’m also plotting on how to implement this with my husband.
Are you guys working on any new projects or anything you’d like to share?
Paul: There’s a lot of stuff that we’re working on. We’re excited about all of it but we’ve been really focused on our boutique agency, our matchmaking and coaching agency. We actually just hired another full time person yesterday, making five people working under the matchmaking and coaching arm. We’re one of the top matchmaking firms in the world by several global matchmaking agencies, and we’re focusing on growing into one of the most recognized brands. So that’s a huge undertaking but we want people to continue realizing that’s number one.
We launched Mentor Monday which has been really cool. It’s a way to give back and pull from subject matter experts and give advice. We have two TV projects we’re working on and hope to get one out the gate at the end of this year, and the other in the first or second quarter of next year. And our book hasn’t been out a full year yet but it’s doing very well. The paperback comes out in a couple months and we’re working on the next book which is about a two year process. So yes, a lot of things coming up.
BMWK: Wow, that all sounds really great so congratulations on everything!
If you guys can share any last words, advice, for our readers in terms of maintaining a loving and successful marriage, what would you like to add on?
Jill: I think one thing I’ll share is that it’s always important to communicate. Paul and I are lucky because we’ve always felt we could come to one another with anything and we’ll both listen to the other and try to figure out a solution to the problem. And we’ve heard how some friends and clients don’t feel comfortable going to their partner, but it’s always important to be able to come to a resolution that works best for the both of you or you’ll have someone unhappy, and whose needs aren’t being met.
Paul: And I would follow up with communication is really everything. In order to have any successful relationship, you have to be able to successfully communicate and solve problems. It really is the Achilles heel of a relationship. One of the things I had to personally learn to do is to actually listen. There’s a difference between listening and hearing. To listen is to actively process with your brain then act on it.
We get more guys who are in their twenties that are not in a relationship contacting us saying they want what we have. A lot of these are young, black men saying they want something real. And we wrote an article that says the best time to work on your marriage success is before you get married. Develop hard skills that will be key in your relationship and the main one is to listen. That underscores the importance of communication.
BMWK: That’s really great! Thank you to Paul and Jill Brunson for taking time out to sit down with us and give us a glimpse into their happy marriage. BMWK family sure to leave them some words of encouragement in the comments section.
You can connect to Paul via Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.