by Michelle G Cameron
Most of us who are currently single have a desire to be married some day to the person of our dreams, who is typically referred to as our “Mr. Right” or “Mrs. Right”. Many of us may already know of certain steps to prepare for marriage, such as managing finances responsibly and learning how to keep a home. I would like to offer a few other thoughts for every person to consider who desires to say “I Do”.
Heal before entering into marriage. Continuous marital strife and discord are usually symptoms of deeper issues which can lead to divorce if they are not handled early in the relationship. Ensure that both parties have taken time to heal (separately) before entering into marriage. Emotionally hurt individuals tend to bleed all over relationships. Disagreements tend to escalate as the past is dragged into the present. Avenues to healing may include individual counseling, journaling, asking forgiveness of those who experienced hurt through you, offering forgiveness to those who hurt you, and severing soul ties from former relationships. I believe that resolving as many disagreements as possible (platonic friendships and family relationships are examples) help individuals heal and become better able to resolve conflict when it arises in marriage.
Plan to remain married FOREVER. Yes, I said it, and you read it. Many of us give ourselves an “out” where we think that if we don’t see eye to eye, we can always go our separate ways. This is certainly not in line with God’s intention for marriage. Marriage is likened to Jesus Christ’s relationship with the Church (His Bride) and is intended to be an unending, sacrificial and unconditional love. (Read Ephesians 5: 22 – 33, Holy Bible.) If staying with your intended spouse does not include “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do us part” then I suggest reconsidering saying “I Do”.
Be prepared to make MANY sacrifices. Marriage is not for the faint-of-heart, and any solid marriage relationship includes making sacrifices for each other. Caring for the well-being of each other, even when it is inconvenient, difficult, and time-consuming or takes us away from a favorite pastime – are areas that must be considered thoughtfully. Are you willing to forgo your plans for his, or for hers? Can you bathe them if they cannot take care of themselves? Are you willing to listen to her questions and patiently answer them? Are you willing to support his vision even if you do not understand all the details?
Be ready for change: LOTS of change. As each person matures, they will change physically, emotionally, spiritually, sexually and in many other ways. It has been said that the person we date (or court) is not the same person we marry nor is it the same person we take home after the wedding. The one consistent entity in marriage is change. Plan to handle change with a positive mindset.
Sign up for premarital counseling. Surprisingly, many couples forge ahead and skip over this important aspect of marital preparation. (I was also guilty of this before my first marriage.) A professionally trained counselor can help both parties identify areas that can bring significant challenges to a relationship. Many times relationships are built around what both parties have in common or are based on perceptions which may not be accurate. Counseling helps potential spouses pinpoint personality compatibilities, and provide practical steps to manage differences. This is also the time for potential spouses to take an objective, critical review to ensure that they are ready to handle each other’s quirks, past experiences, and personality traits. Be willing to walk away if premarital counseling unveils red flags.
Submit to mentors. Successfully married couples with several years of experience are the best candidates to mentor a new couple. Spending time with couples who survived the preliminary years of marriage and are now thriving are the best examples. Seek mentors where the couples emulate many of the characteristics you desire for your marriage and develop a long-term relationship with them. This relationship must be based on trust and needs to be a good fit for all involved parties. Frequent contact (possibly on a schedule) is recommended to discuss potential concerns (or current scenarios). Mentoring scenarios can be man-to-man, woman-to-woman or couple to couple (or combinations of these scenarios). The mentors can become life-long friends and can become the “go-to” people should a marital crisis arise in the future.
Be open to learning new things. Lifelong learning about each other should be a high priority. There is so much to discover and explore! Get ready to grow together in love, oneness and in every important area of your lives.
BMWK – how did you prepare or are you preparing for marriage?
Michelle Cameron is an avid writer since the age of 15 with recent features on The Virtuous Diva, the Chat Kafe Blog and Chronicles of a Future Wife, and released her first book, “It’s My Life and I Live Here: One Woman’s Story” in 2011. Michelle is honing the art of public speaking to inspire and uplift women with her testimony. Michelle currently resides in New Jersey and is the mother of one son. Connect with Michelle’s blog at “Life, Love and Other Topics: My Commentary”.