by Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
Normally, I would be reluctant to openly admit one of my guilty pleasures, but for the sake of this conversation I must reveal I am now caught up into all the drama that is reality TV – i.e. Love & Hip Hop.
For those unfamiliar, Love & Hip Hop is a reality show centered on a group of women who are either in love with a hip hop star or want to be one. These women are known to “hold everyone and everything around them down” as stated by one of the stars. The love they have for their men is believable; so much so that one of the young ladies actually proposed to her guy. Not just the simple mention of wanting to get married but the kind where family and friends are gathered, a ring is given and it is more of an event.
What I learned about myself as I viewed this particular episode is that I must be very old school and traditional because I cringed each time she shared with friends her plan to propose. As she picked out his engagement ring, I found myself yelling at the television begging her not to do it. For me, it had always been my fantasy to have the man I love get down on one knee and ask ME to be his wife. And it must have been an assumption of mine that all women had that same fantasy. On the flip side I do have to applaud her boldness; she wants to get married and start a family but after 6 years her man hadn’t proposed yet. So in her mind why should she wait?
I am no pessimist but had I been one of her close friends, after advising against it, I would have to ask how she could be sure whether or not he wanted to get married if he didn’t ask her? I get the idea of taking risks and the desire to be married and being frustrated at the amount of time and energy given to a relationship and still no ring, but there should be an understanding in the beginning of the relationship. A person should determine just how long they plan to be a girlfriend/boyfriend.
Because men view marriage slightly different from women in my opinion, it normally takes a little longer to get them there. Some women aren’t as selective as men when it comes to choosing a spouse; so there’s a reason he hasn’t asked yet. Can you put a timetable on when someone should be ready to get married? Not to say their marriage would be any different based on who proposed. In some cases a man may need that push (being asked) before they decide to make a move. I am just grateful my husband asked me. Had he not, I don’t think I could have ever asked him to marry me. And by the way, on the show the response was “wow, are you sure you want to do that, I’m with you.” Not sure if that was a clear yes or no but I do hope it works out for them.
BMWK, what are your thoughts on women proposing? Are you a woman who proposed?
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. Tiya recently created and launched (Tuesdays with Tiya) Life Editing Radio show on blogtalkradio.com. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.