My husband and I recently had an interesting conversation on the role and expectations of a spouse. We initially disagreed on whether or not a person should complete the other in a relationship. For me, the answer was clear. I thought an individual’s goal should never be finding another person to complete them, but one to complement them.
There was just something about the phrase “you complete me” that was a bit unsettling for me. From the moment I heard it in the film “Jerry Maguire” I felt some kind of way about it. First, I thought it was a beautiful way to end a movie. However, once I really started my relationship work with couples, I knew the idea of completion would present a few challenges for those actually seeking it in a partner. I believed it would cause singles to question whether or not they were enough solo. It was saying I’m incomplete without a partner.
When that type of thinking is present it affects how we show up in our relationships. If we feel like we can’t survive without a mate, our actions will come from a place of desperation and we won’t be bringing the absolute best of ourselves into the relationship, so I thought. I wondered when people started looking for someone else to complete them, were they somehow saying they weren’t complete, or enough alone.
Can Marriage Actually Complete You?
As I further explained this point of view to my husband, he also highlighted and broke down what he meant by the idea of completing the other person. He shared that being in a relationship benefits a person, because there are certain needs that are being filled, and in a sense those needs are actually being completed. His insight helped me realize that he was actually completing as well as complementing me. He completed my need to feel loved, supported and protected. Of course my family can meet those needs as well, but I did desire it more from my spouse. I didn’t realize it, but marriage does provide an opportunity to live in a relationship where we actually are completed. While, we can be complete and continue to pursue our goals as singles, our thinking about being complete should shift. Instead of seeking a partner to save us, we should be seeking one to enhance and supply the basic need each of us has, being loved in that very special way.
Being completed may not have been your primary goal for your marriage, but how amazing does it feel knowing there is someone in your life who is able, and more importantly wanting, to supply those needs just for you?
BMWK, in what ways does your spouse complete you?