Do you feel like asking the man you’re dating when he’s going to commit to you is pressuring him to do something he doesn’t want to do? Do you “go along to get along” when he says he enjoys your company but isn’t in a rush to label things, even though you secretly fear he’s wasting your time and won’t ever commit?
If you said yes to either of these questions, and you’ve been dating a man for several months or even years without him sealing the deal, I want you to know you are playing a dangerous game with your life. I know you don’t want to nag him, but you’ll waste years of your life trying to convince yourself you don’t need commitment when you know in your heart you really want one. Here are three reasons why:
Reason #1: He’s Not Being Honest, He’s Using A Disclaimer to Get What He Wants From You
Let’s say you’ve been seeing a guy who treats you like a girlfriend. He calls you daily. He introduces you to his friends and family. He even calls you his “future.” But when you ask “what are we?” he says doesn’t like labels and just wants to go with the flow. You convince yourself he’s just being honest with you and that’s all you really need. But the reality is, he’s covering his behind when you find out he’s seeing someone else by using a disclaimer. His disclaimer may sound something like, Hey, I never said we were a couple! or “I enjoy your company, but…” He feels like his half-truth is enough to continue getting relationship privileges without any of the responsibilities!
In this relationship scenario, he’s not telling the whole truth because there are details about his life he’s NOT sharing with you. But he’s not the only one lying. You’re lying to yourself each time you take him back and you tell yourself you’re just having fun with him. Casual dating only works when both people are upfront with each other about the other people their seeing. If you want commitment don’t act like you don’t!
Reason #2: If He Likes It, Then He Should Put a Label On It
Defining the relationship isn’t just about having a cute title that allows you to update your relationship status on social media. It’s about having emotional security because each partner is entering into an agreement that they will do their best to meet each other’s needs.
A man who just wants to go with the flow and enjoy your company is basically saying he is unwilling or unable to meet your needs. Pay attention to the signs, girl! Don’t waste time hoping he’ll see how amazing you are because you’ll wake up months or even years from now realizing it’s just not gonna happen.
Reason #3: You’re Giving Him All The Power In The Relationship
When you stay with a man who has told you through his actions and words that he’s not serious relationship material, you’re saying to him that his needs and opinions are superior to yours. You submit yourself to his desires and give him the power to control your future by:
- Going along with plans you don’t agree with
- Making relationship decisions from a place of fear and self-doubt
- Apologizing for wanting “too much” from him
- Avoiding tough conversations because you don’t want him to see you as nagging
You’re choosing somebody who isn’ choosing you, sis. Who has time to waste, dating men who are playing games? You can have love now, not years down the road when he gets ready. It’s time to reclaim your freedom and your power to choose how you spend your time and who you’ll spend it with. You deserve the commitment you desire, but you won’t get it if you’re acting like you don’t want it.
BMWK: Who should bring up the commitment talk first? The man or the woman? Why?