When you’re getting back on the dating scene, online dating culture can make you feel like you need to have Urban Dictionary by your side just to communicate.
What does it mean if he asks you out for a meet and greet? Is that the same as a date? Why don’t men call anymore? Is everything supposed to happen on text? What do you do if he just disappears?
As a result, online dating can feel like a chore instead of an exciting journey! If you feel like this, allow me to help a sista out.
I have helped many of my clients find successful relationships online. I’ve helped those clients makeover their dating profiles. I also logged on with them weekly to help them screen out men and connect them with quality guys. So I’ve seen firsthand some of the online dating problems happen in real time.
When you’re a newbie, it can be tough to figure it all out on your own. So let me break down some of the terms you might encounter in your online dating journey:
1. Meet & Greet
The purpose of a “meet & greet” is for each person to decide if they even want to go on a more traditional, first date. These meetings are low-risk, low-cost and don’t require a lot of time. You might grab a coffee, go for a walk, get some ice cream or enjoy some appetizers.
But, I’m sure you’re asking: Why don’t men want to go on a real date anymore?
Because of the nature of online dating, these men—and women—may want to add in another filtering step. They’ve met women who didn’t look like their profile photo, and they felt “trapped” in an hour-long dinner with someone they weren’t attracted to.
Others may be dating multiple people at once and don’t want to spend a lot of money and time on someone until they’re sure they want to be exclusive. Still other daters rely on feeling a “spark” to determine if they should get involved with somebody, so they think a 30-minute meetup will tell them everything they need to know.
2. Netflix and Chill
If you do get past a “meet & greet” with someone, he may end up asking you to “Netflix and Chill” (NAC) for your next “meeting.” You need to understand what this means. The guy will invite you over to his place to supposedly watch something on Netflix and just hang out. But most often, what this really means is “let’s have casual sex.”
3. Ghosted
Let’s say the guy doesn’t ask you to NAC. Let’s say he actually asks you out for a date (but he may not use the word date. He may just invite you to lunch or to hang out at a jazz lounge). These dates will still be low-cost (don’t expect to go to Ruth’s Chris), but you’ll still want to look cute.
You may laugh, have great conversation and even text for a few days afterward. And then out of the blue, you don’t hear from him again! You may text him, and he won’t even open it. Or, you’ll see that he read it, but he won’t respond.
You’ve just been “ghosted!” This is when a person you’ve been talking to for a few days (or even a much as six months) just disappears on you. There’s no official breakup. He just stops all communication. This is painful and confusing, and you need a strong mindset in order to keep dating and not take it personally.
4. The Three-Date/Three-Text Rule
So you finally meet someone who doesn’t ghost you. The conversation is great, you’re feeling like he’s genuine, and then after the third date, he sends you a text like this: “If we were hanging out late, would you let me stay the night at your house?” Or, he’ll say “I just got done working out. Would you come over and wash my back in the shower?”
He might bust a move on you in the car as you say goodnight, and if you protest, he may say, “but it’s the third date!”
You might be shocked at this man’s complete turnaround! He went from acting like a gentleman to busting a move on you within three dates. You’ve just experienced the three-date (or three-text) rule, an unspoken expectation that you should feel comfortable having sex with someone only because you’ve been on three dates. These guys will try to put you at ease by acting like a gentleman instead of coming on strong, but these same guys are more likely to “Ghost” you when you say “no.”
5. WYD
Now, let’s say you get past three texts and three dates with no problem. Things are going great! You’re talking on a daily basis, he’s making plans for real dates and you’re enjoying his company. You may have even had some serious conversations about marriage and what you both need in a relationship.
Then, after your Friday night date, you’re awakened to the “Ding” that tells you there’s a new text message. You reach over to take a look. It’s 1:00 am. The message is from him, and it simply says WYD, short for “what you doing?”
What am I doing? I’m sleeping! You think to yourself. But your new friend isn’t looking for information. He’s likely sending you a booty call because any normal person knows that people are asleep at 1 in the morning.
Part of your success in online dating rises and falls on your ability to communicate. Not only do you need to know what these new words mean, you also need to know how to respond in such a way that you are authentic and assertive, yet accepting and attractive.
For example, you can make the right guy feel like a loser by snapping on him because he texts you instead of calls you. Instead, you should directly express your needs and preferences to him in a way that sets him up to win your heart! If he flakes or refuses to make the change, he just showed you he wasn’t the “one”!
On the other hand, you need to know when to assertively draw the line with someone and screen out the crazies you’ll encounter online!
Use this glossary of terms the next time you log on to your dating site or app. You’ll know exactly how to handle whatever situation comes your way!
BMWK: What other things frustrate you about online dating?