Dating and relationships have become more complex because there is a lack of clarity! It’s like the era of the mixed signal phenomenon where people want to say and do one thing but expect people to believe another thing. I believe some of us are giving off mixed signals and don’t even realize it. Let me break down some of the signals you might be giving off:
1) You’re still into your ex
If on the first few dates every other word is about your past relationship and your ex, then it’s a turn off. If everything your date talks about is compared to something your ex did, then it’s a turn off. If you are still so concerned with your ex,then why are we on this date?! Just something your new potential boo is thinking because of the vibe you are giving off.
2) You’re self-centered
If you spend more time on the date trying to bring the conversation back to you than you do actually listening, then YES you will come off as self-centered. If every response is about what YOU do and how YOU would do it, you are probably turning someone off. If every response starts with “Well I…” and if you spend the entire time trying to sell them on why you are so great because of the things you have, then odds are…YES, the signal you are giving off is that you are self-centered. People want to feel heard and understood, and you can’t do that if you turn dates into an “I’m so great” show.
3) You don’t have time to invest in a relationship
If the bulk of your conversation centers on how busy you are and on all of the things you have going on, you subtly put the message out that you don’t really have time to date. Relationships both old and new take time to nurture; time must be invested in them. And if you are going on and on about how you can’t find a spare second in the day…you see where I’m going here?
While you might think it makes you look important, it really makes you look unavailable and unable to invest and commit. Any smart person would stay away from you, so be careful about those mixed signals if you really want someone to view you as a viable mate.
4) You’re okay with casual
“I’m not really looking for anything serious.”
“I’m just going with the flow.”
“Whatever happens, happens”
“I’m just looking to be friends and chill and get to know each other.”
If that’s not truly what you are looking for, then I suggest not putting it out there like it is. Don’t think this “bait and switch” will make you more attractive on the dating scene. If what you are really looking for is someone to build a committed relationship with that leads to marriage, then be CLEAR about that. You can’t put “casual” out there if you truly want commitment.
5) Your attitude is terrible
If your entire vibe is negative all night, then don’t expect someone to believe that you are a positive person. Period!
BONUS TIP: Your social media pages matter!
I’m gonna let you in on a secret: no, it’s not “just the Internet.” Similar to how employers research potential candidates’ social media pages, your potential dates might too. If you constantly post negativity, then you will be perceived as a negative person. If you constantly post subliminal messages about an ex, people will still think you’re hurt. If you post consistent things with sexual innuendo, people will think that’s what you are about. Is it “fair?” I think it absolutely is because YOU post it and it’s probably a representation of you. Thus if you don’t want people to think it, then don’t post it.
This has been a PSA from Xklusive Thoughts.
BMWK, have you ever been guilty of sending off mixed messages?